Going, going, gone

Life feels like it is rushing by in giant, swooshing chunks. I am busy doing chores or working out or shopping or reading a book or getting stuff ready for school and WALLA! 2 hours are gone! I am shocked almost every time I look at the clock. There are just not enough moments in my days. So, I am pledging to take some big, deep cleansing breaths (like my friend Cindy will be taking very soon when her sweet, bubble blowing baby girl is born) and SLOW DOWN. I will find time to enjoy my days. I will find time to listen when my husband is talking. I will find time to hug my kids. I will find time to appreciate my students. I will find time to answer my emails. I will find time to blog more than once a week. I promise, I will.

Beautiful Day

Such a beautiful day... Sun shining, a project with our big buddies (who we adore). Even though things were set to go badly... in a classic Monday way... I arrived at work at my regular time. I proceeded to glance at my lesson plan book and realize that I forgot to buy the ingredients for a cooking project I needed to make (twice... once for my class, once for the other). After pacing around irritated for a bit, I decided to drive up to the little market at morning recess for supplies, but the oned I had planned (a colorful trail mix) didn't seem likely, so I just completely made up a new project... bread slices cut with cookie cutters then covered with apple butter or peanut butter and some sprinkles and exactly 4 chocolate chips. The students followed the recipe and LOVED the food. It turned out pretty well. Then, a long staff meeting that didn't bother me at all. And not getting home until 5:30. Then dinner and watching 4 long and blissful hours of LOST on Sci Fi (It's now a commercial) while glueing labels on 24 color books for tomorrow. Somehow it still feels like a beautiful day. Was it the sun? Was it that my hormones are finally coming under control and I'll no longer be a raving lunatic? I really can't say, but it was nice to feel content.

I want you to know...

Even when I am snappy or yell at you, I love you.
I miss the way you used to run up and hug me when I got home.
You can call me anytime you are in trouble.... I want you to always put your safety first.
My happiest nights are when there is laughter at the dinner table with all four of us there.
If I could, I would make all your wishes come true... but would that really make you happy?
I worry sometimes because you say you do not believe in God, but I was full of questions at your age, then I grew to love God and have a personal relationship with him, and I pray you will too.
I want you to find something you love to do, that you are passionate about, and make it your life's work.
I think the world is a better place because you are in it.
Even when I am snappy or yell at you, I love you.

Yikes!

I knew I had been neglecting my blog life, but wow, I didn't realized it had been WEEKS! Do I have an excuse? Not really. Unless you count menstruating for 16 days straight and counting. So sorry if that is TMI for most of you, but it's all I've got going on. Am wondering what my gyno will say to this info. The original appointment didn't really resolve any of my issues.

I have been glued to the TV lately, LOST for 4 hours every Monday night on Sci Fi. It's the first seasons episodes which I haven't seen yet, and I am reveling in every single detail. The Biggest Loser on Tuesday... hate that obnoxious brown team! Project Runway on Wednesdays... getting down to the last few. I like Leanne. That does not bode well for her, as my fashion tastes do not usually mesh with those snooty judges. Thursdays are, Of course, Grey's Anatomy (which I thought was really blah and boring last week) and ER (which was great, and I had to watch it on the computer later, cause I missed it for a so so episode of Grey's... won't make that mistake again!)

Mark and I are still into working out. I am averaging 5-6 days per week even with school in session. That is pretty good for me. We walk together 3 or so days per week... with our naughty little Pepper in tow. It is good for our marriage. It gives us time together without distractions (except trying to keep Pepper from attacking a German Shepherd and being eaten in one gulp), we talk about everything that's going on. I must say I am more up to date on financial news and politics than I have ever been in my life! It also gives us time to come up with strategies for dealing with those 2 teenagers that live in our house. I'm telling you, if you try to deal with them spur of the moment, you are toast. They are ruthless, so we have our planning sessions while we walk. And, we work out our disagreements... so then we can present a united front. This is also very important... divide and conquer is a teenager's best technique!

Anyway, nothing of excitement around here. Just living life day to day. Trying to appreciate the beauty and embrace the absurd... or at least laugh at it.

Never Forget

After 7 years it seems some have forgotten. Certainly the feelings of this day are not as raw as they were. I just wanted to put a little tribute out there. To let people know I haven't forgotten. I chose this video primarily because of the song. These are the perfect words.

What a Kicker!!

One of the hardest things for me about living 400 miles away from my family for 10 years was special events. You know, when your kids have their Christmas program or football game or first communion. And their you sit, just you and your husband (or maybe just you if your husband works over 70 hours most weeks, which is what mine did). There's no extended family. No one cheering with you.
So, when my sister told me my niece Madi had her first soccer game on Saturday, I was happy to rearrange my schedule to be there.
And, boy, was it a game! Madi scored 3 goals and was right in there on every play. She is just a natural athlete and had fun to boot!
I am so glad I was there to capture this picture, and the memory in my heart to go with it. It is truly priceless.

For my Girl

Some things I want to remember about you right now...

1. How you occasionally still call me "Mommy"
2. How you are good at confessing things to try to eliminate or reduce the magnitude of problems.
3. How you get completely angry whenever we say you cannot do something you really want to do.
4. That you made 2 necklaces to wear. One with five simple beads and one with the caps off of energy drinks.
5. That you and I keep stealing the hairspray from each other and really need separate cans.
6. That you like Pikachu and have a pikachu toy you sleep with.
7. How you are waiting so patiently for your braces.
8. That you listen to screamer metal at the computer while you are working or on My Space.
9. How you don't really pay much attention to Pepper, but worry about him if you think he's in danger.
10. That when I look into your eyes I see beauty and caring and intelligence and (usually) a little bit of annoyance.

Berry cobbler

Just thought I'd make a list of things going WELL lately:

1. We spent a wonderful Sunday at my paren't BBQing. I ate a huge steak and drank a whole bottle of wine. We walked through the berry briars (there's a path) to this gigantic old walnut tree. I have so many wonderful memories of that walnut tree. I was dying because I forgot my camera.

2. I did not have a hangover Monday.

3. I have been exercising regularly even though school is back in session.

4. K had her first day of school today. Thank goodness, she finally has something productive to do!

5. I bought myself a cute outfit yesterday with my birthday money. It's some tan woven material bermuda shorts with a cuff and a dark brown camisole with a printed dark brown top.

6. Most of my class is really getting the hang of the Kindergarten "routine". We are starting to have fun!

7. I made a blackberry cobbler with the berries we picked on Sunday. Yum!

8. I have a really good feeling that our house is going to sell soon.... hope it's not bad luck to post that!! Let's hope I'm not just getting my hopes up again!

Bye for now!

Why I'd Marry Him All Over Again

1. Because after 20 years I still get goosebumps when he breathes on the back of my neck.
2. Because of all the times we've stayed up half the night talking and laughing and sharing our stories and dreams.
3. Because he's taken me on so many wonderful adventures.
4. Because he taught me what it means to be a hard worker.
5. Because he loves me just as I am,but challenges me to be the best me I can be.
6. Because he really listens to what I have to say (if football is not on the TV)
7. Because when I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat, all the stresses and sorrows of my day just melt away.
8. Because he loves our children more than words can say.
9. Because on the second day I knew him, he said he was like a rock and would never change. And, even though he has grown and changed over the years, he's always been my rock. Steady and reliable.
10. Because this morning he pulled me close and said, "I love you more now than I did the day I married you."

Happy Anniversary, Mark. I love you too.

We're off and running...

Today was the first day of school, and I am noticably less tired than I usually am after the first day of Kindergarten. My class was amazingly well behaved until lunch then pretty normal (meaning a few blips) during the last hour. I came home and have been working on school stuff for a few hours so now it's time to have a little me time. I keep thinking I should do some working out, but I think I'll read my book for awhile and fall asleep with my face on it.

In the Land of Kindergarten

Collaboration among teachers is a big deal to me, so I have started a new blog about Kindergarten in the hopes of reaching some teachers out there who (like me) are voracious in the desire to gain as many ways as possible to make their classrooms the best they can be. I don't think I am "the expert", but I think I have some good ideas, and I'd like to share them and maybe meet some other teachers who can reciprocate. So, go on over and check it out!

Love, Nancy

Math

Today I went to a workshop with the renowned Kim Sutton, and I learned some new math!!!! It was so much fun! We learned about digital roots of numbers. At first it just seems like something kind of fun and why does it really matter, and the WALL-AH, you can do all this amazing stuff with it! By the time I got home I was bursting to show Mark all about it. I am so glad he is weird like me and loves to learn new things and talk about them!

On a different note, K went to the salon yesterday and after $148 and 5 hours of "coloring" looks pretty darn good. I will try to get a picture of her soon.

Bad Hair

So, for a few months Kyla has been really wanting to dye her hair light, light, light blonde. I have been skeptical, but told her it was her hair and if she bought the dye (or paid for the appointment) then I didn't have a problem with it. She didn't have any money, however, because she owed us for overusing her cell phone minutes and charging lunches at school. So, Thursday she finally earned enough money to pay off her debt, then yesterday she did a bunch of chores to go and buy her hair dye. She wanted me to do it. I carefully read the direction over several times then we cut a little piece off the back of her hair to do the strand test. I swear, I followed those directions exactly. We did everything just as it said. I was a little worried that we didn't get quite enough dye on the last part.... the roots. But, as it was lightening up, it looked pretty good. I was blissfully watching "Rock the Reception" when I heard Kyla yell.... "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" So I ran back to the bathroom. She was completely freaked out. The roots had turned the super light blonde she wanted about and inch out from her scalp, but then there was a dark brownish line where I didn't get enough dye (we ran out... she has super thick hair)... Then the rest was light, but more of an orange-y blonde. What a disaster! So today I called around and got her an appointment with a color specialist on Monday morning. The cost will be $50-$100. This will come out of her school clothes money. Poor pumpkin, I hope she learns some kind of lesson out of all of this. Probably it will be that I am stingy and unfair for not giving her more school clothes money...

P.S. I would love to post a picture to show you all the results, but I doubt if I'd be allowed to take one.

Weekend with the Girls

So, for our joint birthdays, my sweet friends Michelle, Gina and Danette and I all went on a girls trip... our first ever girls trip since high school, I think. I was a little worried we would be dull. You see, of the four of us I am the only one who really ever whoops it up, if you know what I mean. But we rented a limo, with a somewhat nice, somewhat grumpy driver, Paula, and we went wine tasting. Here we are at the second winery..... looking good. We were having fun and giggling and pretty mellow.

Here are Gina and Danette and Michelle at the fourth winery. You can see, things have picked up. We are having a blast.

And finally, here is me in the limo....

Just so you know, this photo was staged. Mark may never believe me, but I swear, it's true.

Welcome Back!

Well, I am back after a busy weekend of fun and visiting and a little too much drinking! I didn't want to post without a fun picture of us in the limo or in front of a winery, but I just haven't managed to get that blasted film developed yet.
Today I spent about 4 hours at work, and it felt good to get things back in place. I have a class list of 22 eager learners and a shiny waxed linoleum floor. All I need now is a clean white lesson plan book to write in... too bad the teacher store in town shut down! Tomorrow that is my goal... to locate and purchase the book that I want! Hopefully in person and not online, because I just can't bear to wait.
In sad news, I found out today a colleague of mine from my previous school has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It is just too shocking to comprehend. He is such a vibrant and ALIVE person. He hopefully has 5-10 years. My heart is aching for him and his family and my old staff. Just aching.

It's over.... O... V... E... R

Today on a rerun of What Not To Wear, a friend of the frumpily dressed contestant said, "She looks like a 40 year old school teacher." Now, for me, those words were like a shot through the heart. You see, for less than 24 hours I have BEEN a 40 year old school teacher. Do I wear black polyester skirts down to my ankles? NO. Do I avoid heels? NO. Do I wear formless, shapeless clothes to hide inside like a tent? NO. So, that remark is clearly below the belt.
I do, however, have issues, as you can see from the photo above, taken the day before my decline into the 40's. I need to dye my hair. I need to quit eating pasta and get rid of my muffin top. I need to lean in close and embrace my 2 teenaged children, no matter how hard it is.
We had a great day at the newly named Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo... roller coasters were ridden, wild animals were perused (including 2 gorgeously majestic tigers), hundreds of dollars was spent on amusement park food and beverages, and several fun shows were watched. We did leave at 6:30, though, a full hour and half before the park closed. This is completely out of character for me as I usually arrive at opening and leave at closing and don't slow down for a minute in between. You can even ask my children who've been dragged across Disneyland nearly comatose through crowds of people flocking to the light parade or my nephew who fell asleep on the floor of the Haunted House when we were in line! I did feel especially exhausted when we left, though. Maybe my age is getting to me.

Celebrate

this is a magical beast
that holds the secret of
light and shadow in a
safe place in her heart
and when it has been too
long grey, she starts to
dance and laugh and cry and sing
and the sunlight fills her up
and spills in wild abadon
back into the world again

-Brian Andreas

Countdown

1. Only 3 more weeks of vacation before school starts
2. Only 2 more days before we go on our little family vacation to celebrate my birthday
3. Only 7 more days before my 3 closest high school friends and I all celebrate our birthdays
4. Only 5 more days before I am 40 (as in YEARS OLD!)
5. Only 27 more days until I have been married to my dearest for 20 years (where did the time go?)

On a separate note, I actually scrapped today. I finished the 10 layouts for my "10 things" book (see below). I really love the pages and want to get a nice picture of my with the kids on our upcoming vacation to go on the cover. I love the book, but so far it has been pretty pricey... $60 class fee.... $60 in gas to get there.... $6 for lunch... $166 for speeding ticket en route (cost of traffic school still not determined) It's a good thing I love my book!

10 Things I want you to remember

So on Saturday morning I got up at 5 a.m. (a full 4-5 hours before my regular summer wake up time) and drove a little over 3 hours to Grants Pass OR to a scrapbooking class with Karen Russell. She is one of my scrapping idols. I had plans to chat with her about this and that and be charming and have a great time... then when I got there, I completely clammed up. I swear, I probably only uttered 7 monosyllabic responses during 4 hours of class. It was so disappointing. Don't get me wrong, the class was great. Karen was great. She was honest and real and we laughed and even cried while she was explaining her album to us. I am really glad that I went. I just hate it when I am overcome with my old shyness from childhood... when I become an observer instead of a participant in life. I wonder if this is something I will ever get over. I made 3 pages for my own album entitled "10 things I want you to remember". It is for my kids and has 10 life lessons paired with photos of them from throughout their life. This page with Kyla is my favorite so far.
So what is a life lesson you want to pass on to someone you love?

Good Reads

Since before my memory begins, I have been a huge fan of reading. I started reading chapter books when I was in the first grade... I read the book Heidi 13 times before I was 13 years old.... I used to cry on Saturdays if I slept in and missed the bookmobile that traveled to my sad little rural town (pop. 35ish) I found this list on a group at goodreads.com and it's a new "100 books you should read" list. Of all the lists I've every encountered, this is one I feel I've actually made a dent in!!

Check it out: (items with * I have read)
*1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
*2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
*3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
*4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
*5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (some of it)
*7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
*10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
*12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
*16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
*18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
*21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
*30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
*33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
*34. Emma - Jane Austen
*35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
*36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
*37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
*39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie-the-Pooh - AA Milne (some of it)
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
*42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
*46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
*48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
*49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
*51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
*54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
*59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
*60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
*61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
*62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
*64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
*68. Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby-Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
*73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
*76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - A. S. Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
*85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
*87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
*88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
*91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
*99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So that's 36 out of 100 and a couple I read part of.... hmmm.... guess I have some books to add to my to-read list!

Change

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfullfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck

This is my life this summer. Uncomfortable. Unhappy. Unfullfilled. It is an emptiness from deep inside myself that no else can fill. I have to find the source of the aching. I have to comfort myself. I have to find what makes me happy. I have to achieve fulfillment. I know, deep down, where to find this comfort, happiness, and fullness. I know. It is my spirituality that is unnurtured. It is the truth of love, the gift of Jesus. For the last two years I have allowed my life to be defined by finances.... by our lack of (permanent) home. I need to find a supportive community... a place of peace and kindness. A place that I can go to become refreshed. A place where ideas are freely shared and discussed.

The picture above was taken not long after we moved to Sonora (about 10 years ago). It was taken during a time when my discomfort was so severe I spent part of each day weeping for what I had left behind... weeping from fear of the future... weeping because I had lost my family, my sense of self. It was during those 10 years that I really grew up. I became the me I am today. I felt truly alive and happy and secure in myself. Who would have guessed that coming back to the beginning... to the place I had so unwillingly left.... that this act of coming home would once again cause me so much heartache? I must rediscover myself. I must be reborn.

10 Reasons

Yesterday as I was lurking around in blogland, I saw on Karen Russell's blog a class she is teaching in Grant's Pass this Saturday, so I promptly called the store (at 9:00 at night) and emailed them too, and this morning I got a call and I GET TO GO TO THE CLASS!! I am really excited. I am excited to be thinking about scrapbooking. I am excited to be going on an adventure. I am excited to be meeting Karen Russell (who is one of my very favorite scrapbookers!)
The class is called "10 Reasons" so I need to make a list of 10 reasons... hmmmm. Her suggestions are: 10 things that make you happy. 10 of your best memories. 10 goals you have. 10 lessons you want to pass along to your kids. 10 reasons you're glad you married him. 10 things that have made you who you are today. Karen's sample is "10 reasons I want to make some changes in my life". One of the catches is you have to have 10 really good pictures to go with your 10 reasons... pictures that look good printed on 8x12. I must get busy making lists and searching through my photo boxes.

I am actually giddy with excitement!! Love, Nancy

This Ordinary Day

On this ordinary day it is so damp here that the cement and grass are wet. It's not rain or drizzle...just wet air... fog.... yuck.
On this ordinary day I can't stop thinking about why no one will buy our house in Sonora and if we should just give up and move back there. But, really, how could we?
On this ordinary day I checked my email really early and no one has responded to my invite to my birthday and I am starting to feel sorry for my sad 40 year old self.
On this ordinary day I am going to do an hour of Tae Bo and go for an afternoon walk with my sister. Hopefully this will cheer me up.
On this ordinary day I will look at the clutter and disorganization of this house I am trying so hard not to hate and probably do nothing about it.
On this ordinary day I could really use a hug... or a phone call... or a glass of wine with a friend.

Approaching 40

I am not sure why we put so much stock in our ages, but I have to admit I am a little freaked out about turning 40. I tried to lessen the fear by planning a full week of friends and wine, but, alas, I just couldn't get many people commit. So, I changed my plan a little, and now my family and I are going to spend a weekend, then out of town friends will be invited for 2 nights, then there will be four nights of fun with my high school girlfriends who all have faced or are facing the same frightening reality as me. I wonder if my newly 40 year old body can hold up for this marathon of partying?
If you're interested in joining us, please, let me know!

Random News

1. I am making a faux Thanksgiving dinner tonight... turkey breast, gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans. No dessert, though, I have been off dessert all summer.

2. I am sort of sad, but not surprised, that Bret Michaels and Ambre's relationship from "Rock of Love 2" did not work out. They are now making a third season where he and the 25 "contestants" go on the road in a tour bus. It's due out in 2009. Wonder if I will be roped into watching again?

3. I went to work yesterday and cleaned out one of my horribly messy closets. It looked so nice and tidy when I was done. I also met a potential student for next year. She was very sweet and could write her whole name neatly with a capital at the front. She played with my wonderful niece Madi most of the time. Now the playhouse is looking like children have been there, yet again. I like it when it is immaculately organized like the children's rooms in a Pottery Barn catalog.

4. This weekend is the Fortuna Rodeo. I have so many mixed memories of this event from my childhood. Some good, some bad, some excruciating. But mostly I just remember it as the biggest event of my summer (except for my birthday). One thing that always comes to mind is the penny scramble. Every year I would think that I was going to gather up, like, $20 in pennies when it was my turn to scramble... and every year I would be sadly disappointed when I came away with about $2.37.

5. Yesterday my amazing friend Gina turned 40. She is the first of us to pass this somewhat scary milestone. I am next with less than 20 days left as a 30 something. We are all hoping to come together early next month to celebrate this event. I am reallllllllllly looking forward to it.

Undecided

I just can't figure out how to prioritize my days.
Should I work out feverishly hoping to emerge from summer svelt and new without my muffin top?
Should I clean and organize the house?
Should I have that garage sale I've been threatening?
Should I busy myself reconnecting with friends I have neglected?
Should I do more school work now to avoid being overwhelmed later?
Should I just relax?
Should I drive my 2 teenagers crazy trying to spend as much time with them as possible?
Should I obsess and pray about selling our house and finally getting settled here?

I just can't seem to do any of the above to my satisfaction. Maybe I need a to-do list. A daily to-do list. I function better with a goal.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated...

Books, books, books

So, one of the best things about being on vacation is that I get to read, read, read to my heart's content. While in Cabo last week, this is what I was up to.... liked all of them, but LOVED Middlesex! One of the best books I've read in a long while. If you'd like to see my reviews (although I am a very poor reviewer, never using quotes, and just saying what I think), you can head over to goodreads.com

P.S. The hormone induced lethargy is fading.... Yay! (I'm sure you noticed my angst lately)

My summer days

Wake up around 9:00 or so... go pee...roll back into bed... think about my day... doze a little more... get up around 10 ish

Look at dirty kitchen... cluttered coffee tables... think about going back to bed... flip on TV... watch Regis and Kelly while eating breakfast.... usually whole wheat toast with butter and raspberry jelly and a glass of milk

Clean up kitchen... dishes... counters... stove.... put away most of clutter.... get into work out clothes.... brush teeth... hair in ponytail or messy bun

At 11 or 11:30 get onto treadmill.... walk for about an hour.... usually while watching a mediocre movie on mini DVD player.... drink bottle or 2 of water.... move into living room... do some other form of excercise for about 30-40 minutes... maybe yoga... or weights.... or some cardio thing on DVD

Greet children as they stumble out of bedroom bleary eyed.... messy haired.... cool down... drink more water... maybe fold a load of laundry... maybe not

It's at least 1 pm by now... into the shower I go.... scrubbing.... shaving... get dressed.... drink a diet coke or cherry coke zero.... watch a little HDTV... wish we had designers to get our old house to sell

Eat lunch.... chat with kids.... put on makeup... make excuse for not doing my hair... play spider solitaire on computer.... check email... look at blogs.... maybe run an errand or two

Mark is up.... he works out.... talk to him about his night at work

Make dinner.... eat with the whole family gathered around the table.... clean off table...store away left overs for lunch tomorrow.... leave dishes piled high in the sink to greet me in the morning

Is it any wonder I'm blah?

Back home

We arrived home last night after a long travel day. Had a wonderful time in Cabo. Great friends, mostly good weather, fun activities, good books. More to come soon.

Which Austen heroine are you?

Take the Quiz here!

This girl

This girl has always been a challenge for me. And this last weekend as we were on our way out of town, I got a phone call telling me that this girl had been out the night before at a party. Doing things you hope and pray your children won't do EVER or at least until they're in college. One of her friends was hit by a car and had broken her leg. She had to have surgery. My girl was physically fine, but sobbing and barely able to breathe when she called me to confess the bad choices she had made. The hardest thing for me was that I wasn't there to hug her. I wished so badly that I could reach my arms through that cell phone and hold her tight. Also, the shock of it was so severe. It was like my whole conception of the world had been knocked askew. I second guessed everything. I felt so helpless.
Being away for the weekend helped me to bring things into perspective. It gave Mark and I a chance to think, and pray and discuss our options. We made a plan. And so far, it seems to be working pretty well. At least it is from my limited point of view.
Then, later, I checked my email and there was a prayer request from a dear friend about a family whose 4 year old son had drowned. He was in a coma and decisions were being made about if he should be disconnected from the breathing equipment. Oh so suddenly, my family "tragedy" paled in comparison. TLast night, this family lost their youngest child. And although my youngest child had put herself in great danger, she was still here for me to hug and chat with and drive to appointments and kiss and occasionally yell at. I am so thankful for the blessing of my headstrong, wild-hearted girl. I hope and pray that I can help her to live a life of joy and kindness and love and compassion. I hope I can be a good enough mother to help her to make good choices. To be her best self. Please God, help me to do this.
And, if you have a child, go and give him or her a hug.

Love, Nancy

Thankful

I am thankful for so many things... but on a day to day basis I tend to forget and become enveloped in the annoying, the irritating, the unimportant. So, for today, I am making an effort to be thankful. Here are the things on my mind:

1. That my children are both at home safe. Bad choices have been made, innocence shattered, adulthood tested. But for now, they are home. They seem content. We are together. We ate dinner tonight at the table. Everyone ate. No one glared. Giggling happened. There was witty banter. Plans were made.

2. I had a lovely evening on Tuesday. I learned that I am not the only one. That many suffer from the same woes as I. I drank lovely white wine. I chatted. I listened. I ate some seriously tasty tacos.

3. For 7 days in a row I have worked out. My body occasionally aches, but I feel my heart growing stronger. My waist is as small as it was back in March.

4. That tomorrow we will celebrate the beginning of summer with ice cream for breakfast.

5. That I took my crazy little dog for a walk today.

6. That Mark accompanied me on my weekly grocery shopping trip today.

7. In 9 days I will be on my way to Cabo. And sweet and sassy Kristin and Levi are coming with us! I can't wait.

8. That I got to spend time last weekend with some of my dearest high school friends. That Michelle is reveling in motherhood. And I saw Danette 3 times in the last 3 weeks... that must be a record!

9. That it has been sunny here for 2 days straight.

I hope you are enjoying your summer!
Love, Nancy

En espanol, por favor!

So, almost all the way through his 2nd year of Spanish 1, my dear boy has not picked up much to say. Tonight we spent hours going to 4 rooms and saying about 5 lines in each. We had to video it.
Then, I could not get the video (which is on 4mm) onto a VCR tape. TV's just have too many cords these days. I hope his teacher gives him credit. We both worked pretty darn hard on it.
I didn't get any of my work done and the days are ticking by. Only 6 more...

Girls' Night

In just under 4 hours I will be happily (and hopefully a little tipsily) sitting in the movie theatre watching this movie. I think it will full of laughs and just the kind of night I need.

Special thanks to Cindy for loaning me all her DVD's and getting me caught up on the series!!

11 more days

I am busy laying around thinking about all the things I should be doing but don't have the energy for...... But here is a pic of one of the sweet duckies. None of which I am in charge of anymore! I really miss looking at them and watching them swim and waddle about, but I sure don't miss cleaning out their cage or laundering all of the poopy towels. One thing about ducks... they poop A LOT.... and it's pretty smelly.

Is there anybody out there?

If so, I would like to profusely apologize for neglecting my duties as a blogger. But I must warn you... the next 3 weeks things are gonna be pretty sparse around here. I am a CHRONIC procrastinator, and I have 6 months of memory book pages for 17 kids to complete before June 12. I do have duck photos and prom photos and grad photos from my nieces college graduation. But you will not be seeing them anytime soon. I just can't do it! Sorry, and I hope to be back to normal soon!

Love, Nancy

They're hatched!!

So on Saturday I had to work for a few hours getting to know new Kinders for next year and letting parents know what to expect as well. As soon as everyone left for home I pulled my tray of eggs out of the incubator and headed for the bathroom with the flashlight to candle them. As I was walking I heard this little, "peep, peep......peep" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I about jumped 10 feet in the air and my heart started pounding like crazy! I looked a little closer and noticed that about 4 of the eggs had little holes in them. I couldn't believe it! They were supposed to hatch on Monday. Here it was only Saturday and they were peeping and had broken through the shell. After looking up some very helpful info on the net (how did I ever survive without it!) I learned about internal pip and external pip and figured they would hatch out on Sunday or Monday.
On Sunday we were spending the day in Hayfork at my Granny's (a 3 hour drive) so we stopped by the school to check on the eggs' progress. I raced into the classroom and across to the incubator and saw that 2 of the ducklings were hatched out! They looked horrible and slimy and couldn't move very well. Partly because they were weak, and partly because the incubator is tiny and barely fit 8 eggs. I pulled the tray out a little and removed the shell that was close to the wiggliest ducky to give him a little more room to maneuver. Then we set off on our family trip.
On the way home around 6 pm, we stopped again, and all five of the eggs that I thought were viable had hatched. It was so crowded in there now , it was nearly impossible to even count the ducklings. I checked the 3 eggs that I thought were duds at the 8 day candling (but was too paranoid to throw out), and disgarded them. Then, I got rid of all the shells and wiped the guck out of the incubator. While I was busy, the ducklings were kind of wobbling around in their box, but they didn't look very happy, so I put them back in the incubator and left them there overnight.
In the morning they were even slimier looking than the night before, but when I placed the incubator tray in the box they took off running around. By about 10 am they were looking quite a bit fluffier. By 2 pm they were drinking their water. After school I went and bought some starter food, so by 4 pm they were pecking granules out of my hand (although they seemed much more interested in eating my wedding ring!).
Today they were all pretty active. They eat quite a bit and drink a TON of water. They run around, and are pretty good at darting away from my hand. For the most part they don't like to be held. Although Cindyanna charmed a couple of them after school. :)
Hopefully tomorrow we will pick out names for them. There is a black one with black feet, a bigger brown one with a yellow chest and yellow feet, and 3 brownish yellow ones. One of the yellow ones has some left over guck on his head making it look like he has his "hair" parted. They are completely adorable.

Photos will come as soon as I get my 4 rolls of film developed!

Busy weekend

I so look forward to my lazy carefree weekends.... sleeping in, reading, working out, puttering around the house. Unfortunately, this weekend will be nothing like that.
Tomorrow I will be at work getting to know the sweet little 4 year olds half of which will be my future students. That will last a few hours. Then, I will be working even longer getting my classroom ready for Monday.
Tomorrow night I am going to a benefit dinner for my wonderful friend Barb's Relay for Life team. Hopefully I will get to sit by Cindyanna :)
Then Sunday, it's off to Hayfork to spend the day with my fabulous Granny and all of my other relatives.... including my Mom, thank goodness since it's Mother's Day. That is at least an 8 hour thingy with driving time worked in.
Finally Sunday night we are headed to Mark's mom's house for Mother's Day cake and coffee.
When will the shopping get done? What about laundry? Who will clean the bathrooms? I hate to admit it, but most likely none of those things will get done. And the cleaning that doesn't get done this weekend has no chance of getting done during the work week, so it'll be no clean socks or sparkling sinks around here.... better not stop by or you'll get a nasty shock!

Confession #7

I don't think I will survive my childrens' adolescence.

I was OK at mothering babies. They were kept warm (enough). They were breastfed. I didn't give them solids or sugar until the recommended ages. They had their immunizations and check ups. They were loved and cuddled and talked to and read to.

I loved the toddler years. Watching them get so exicted over discovering the simplest of things. Hearing their little voices form words and sentences and GREAT BIG IDEAS. Seeing their eyes light up when I came home from work or even back into the room they were in from doing laundry. Ahhhhh, that was such a great age. And still there was reading and cuddling and hugging.

The school age years were good. I adored every page of turtles or princesses drawn in marker with chicken scratch writing. I applauded each new nugget of knowledge about dinosaurs and space and how honey is made. I basked in the sound of their voices as they struggled through their first reading of The Cat in the Hat. I even survived my baby girl's chemo and procedure after procedure after procedure. Through all of it we were there together: reading, loving, talking, enjoying each other's company.

Now things are different. I cannot predict the moods of these two. If I sense something is wrong and I ask about it. I am usually rudely dismissed. I am considered an embarrassment. I am begged to be "normal"... don't say this.... PLEASE don't do that. Worst of all there is no reading. No cuddling. Little Hugging. I take the bits and pieces of talking they throw my way and treasure them. I linger over each and every hug. Savoring the seconds. Because it may be days before I am granted another. I want so badly to interact more. To enjoy more. To be more involved. But most nights we sit in separate rooms doing separate things... TV, ipod, computer, treadmill. We do come together for dinner. It takes about 10 minutes, maybe 15. I am holding on to it for as long as possible.

Someone recently told me that this distance, this void between parent and child is nature's way of sending the child out into the world on their own. And that makes sense to me. After all, if they stayed as sweet and wonderful as 4 year olds, and never stopped seeing me as the center of their universe, I would never be able to let them go.

Confession #6

I like to drink too much. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have a drinking problem... I am not an alcoholic. But for the last 2 Fridays I have had little girlie cocktail parties, and I have had soooooo much fun! So much fun that I have not been able to do much of anything on Saturday! The first week I made the "Fuzzytinis" and they were pretty much just vodka with a spritz of peach schnapps and a peach slice. Deadly. And not even very good tasting. It got out of hand. Last night I served only champagne, wine, beer and cherry coke zero. It still got out of hand. Also, I forgot to eat, so a double whammy on my sensitive tummy. Both nights, though, were filled with laughter and crazy girl energy. Which is something I miss since I have moved so far away from my wonderful Twain Harte girls. It has been a balm to my lonely soul. I would like to have these parties every Friday night, but I fear the loud talking has permanently scarred my 16 year old son. He insists I have the loudest voice in the bunch and he asked me not to carry on with my weekly plans. I guess as a mom I will have to oblige him. I don't want to be THAT mom anyway. But, I will miss it. Maybe we should have a 8:30 curfew.... All the fun you can imagine for 2 1/2 hours.... then done. Maybe the boy could go to a movie the next time I have friends over. Hmmmmmmm, I will have to put more thought into this.

Knocked Up

This is my adorable friend Cindy... and she is having a baby!! We are all soooooo excited! The news has been kept on the down low for over a month, and I have been just about to burst! I can't imagine how excited she must be! Can't wait to meet the new munchkin on or around Nov. 11......

and one of my favorite quotes

"There are lives I can imagine without children, but none of them have the same laughter and noise."
-Brian Andreas

House shopping

As we wait and wait and wait (and wait) for our lovely Mi-Wuk home to sell, we are kinda having fun house shopping. We have collected 4 pages of "possible" houses on our favorites over at a real estate web site. In addition to that we have now started frequenting Open Houses on Sundays. We are technically doing this to relieve our poor agent from having to haul us around for no good reason since we can't buy anything yet, but actually we really enjoy it. It's kind of our version of a Sunday drive which is a really big tradition in Mark's family. :-)
Today on my way home from work, I made M come with me while I checked out several houses on the outside just to refresh my memory of what was out there. He got pretty cranky with me and was unpleasant for the rest of the ride home.
Lately my head is just filled with visions of lovely homes I feel eager to own, so I am hoping my wishes, dreams, prayers will come true and our "old" house will sell.

Happy Tuesday! Love, Nancy

Confession # 5

I hate parent teacher conference week.
It's not that I don't like parents. Or have great things to say about the wonderful students in my class. I am always pretty well prepared with things to show... like assessment results and journals and such.
It's just that talking to people I don't know very well is DIFFICULT for me. It takes so much energy to be friendly and upbeat and a good listener and funny and thoughtful to person after person with out much of a break. I am like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice..... "I certainly have not the talent which some people possess of conversing easily with those I have never seen before." The difference between me and Mr. Darcy (at the point in the story where he makes this assertion) is that I do practice at it, and I think I am getting better at conversation making, but it wears my out. I am entirely weary today. WEARY.
And my poor family has taken the brunt of it.

Duckling Update #1

Today I placed my long overdue duck eggs into the incubator to begin their development. I had purchased 9 eggs with my incubator and auto turner. They kept not arriving... weeks went by. Finally, I emailed the website I got them from. On a Monday (a while ago) I got a phone call in the middle of my teaching day saying the eggs would be here in 3 or 4 days. Seven days later I called the number on the website. Message machine. I left a message. The next day I tried again... machine. This time I did not leave a message. I hung up. A few minutes later they called back and we chatted about my issue while my class sat quietly on the carpet awaiting news of their duck eggs. It turns out the guy had sold his website, and I was not his customer, but that of the new owner. We straightened things out and he gave me the new owner's number. I called. He said the eggs had been shipped 7 days ago and should be here... I said, Are the ducks going to hatch after being in the mail so long? He said they lasted 10 days. He encouraged me to call my local post office. I called my local post office. They were helpful but couldn't do much with out a tracking number. I called the egg guy for the tracking number. He needed to call the farmer and get back to me. He called me back and said that he would send me a new batch of eggs. The "old" eggs arrived on the 10th day. I did not incubate them. I waited for the new batch. They arrived on Friday. I put them in the incubator this morning... all except one which was cracked. So, 8 little duck embryos hopefully to turn into 8 little quacking ducks in 28 days...on May 12th. I am a wreck of nerves.

Confession #4

This week was the first time I ever tried Ben and Jerry's ice cream. The sweet Cindyanna brought me a container of it because she was apalled that I had lived 39 long years without ever having the pleasure of one of her favorite desserts. The flavor was Mint Cookie something. My first response was, "Wow, it's not green!" (of course since it's all natural, that makes sense) My second response was, "It's pretty good." I ate 3 good size scoops of it. I liked it. I haven't gone back to the refridgerator at school to have any more. I guess I don't love it. It might just be the flavor, though. If it had been the yellow cake batter or something with brownies in it, this might have been a completely different post. As it is, I am just too cheap to spend that much money on ice cream when Breyer's tastes perfectly delicious to me! Sorry Cindyanna!

Edwin

So tonight while I was making dinner, I looked outside and saw a bunch of people standing in the street. It was weird, so I kept looking. Soon, I noticed they were all looking one direction, so I looked in that direction and saw a great big peacock strolling right down our dead end street, stopping occasionally to peck at the ground. During dinner, the street was empty, and Mark & I were telling the kids about it, when I noticed the peacock had flown up onto the house right across the street from us. There it sat, gazing about in that cold, avian way.
Kyla says, "Can I keep him?"
"Sure," I say, "If you can catch him, you can keep him."
"I'm going to name him Edwin," she says.
That's one of the things I love about my silly girl. Her great ability to imagine, fantasize, dream.... what a gift.

Confesssion #3

I think all American women have some sort of shopping addiction. Not necessarily clothes shopping or shoe shopping (which is what most people assume), but some kind of thing that they compulsivley buy no matter what state their finances are in or how it will affect them. My addiction is not clothes or shoes, although I am trying to spend a little bit more money on these items and buy a little more thoughtfully (not just what is on sale or clearance, but something I really like that is somewhat flattering and hides my muffin top) since I have been occasionally watching "What not to Wear" and Project Runway. I have come to realize that my TWO shopping addictions (yes, 2) are:
1. Scrapbooking supplies
2. Classroom items

Let's dive a little deeper into this idea.... shall we? First the scrapbooking supplies. I have one of the largest room in our house almost filled with stuff. I have piles of cardstock (stored vertically, of course), 2 shelves of patterned paper, numerous empty albums awaiting photos, flowers of silk, paper, felt, chipboard, acetate, buttons in several containers, hundreds of yards of ribbon, untold numbers of eyelets, snaps, brads, etc. I have letter stickers, hundreds of old decorative stickers, word stickers, rub ons, tools (label makers, punches, circle cutter, paper cutters (3), exacto knives, cropodile, etc) a container full of old metal embellishments, paints, mica, clay, texture paste, transparencies, lace, fabric, old fibers, boxes and boxes of rubber stamps with the inks and powders to go with them, and an outrageous number of other embellishments I cannot keep track of. I am sure that is not even all of it. But I cannot throw anything away, and every time I go past the scrapping aisle at Target or into Michael's or onto a scrapping website, there I am looking at all the fun and beautiful NEW stuff. If I get a gift certificate, that's what I'll use it for. I love to shop for it. I love to come home and open up my bag and spread everything out and look at it. I love to find places to keep my new supplies. Occasionally I even get inspired to use them!

Now for the classroom stuff. This is a completely different category all together. I do not usually impulse buy these items. When I plan the activities in my classroom, I work really hard to make everything as active and engaging as possible. If I need something to do this I will buy it. I will go to the store at 10 pm. I will put things like moon pies for a space unit or seeds and soil for a plant study or plastic farm animals for a classifying activity on my credit card if there is no money for them in the checking account. I will spend $20 on a timer at the grocery store at 9:30 at night because it makes a ticking sound and we need to play the "hide the timer" game tomorrow to strenghten our listening skills. I have even been known to tell my own two children, "No, you cannot have that _________ (fill in pretty much anything here: money for snacks, package of lead for your mechanical pencils, new tshirt) until payday, while at the same time I have purchased a bag full of items for my classroom. This shopping is NECESSITY for me. I NEED each of these items to make my classroom the best possible learning environment. I want my student to have everything they need to learn.
So, there are my 2 shopping addictions. What are yours?

Confession #2

I am a horrible driver. I accelerate too fast. I brake too suddenly. I always go 10 miles over the speed limit (but not more than 10). My favorite speed to drive is 75 mph. It just feels so comfy and right whizzing by all of those slow pokes out there. My bad driving habits have often haunted me. I have been in several accidents/mishaps.
1. I accelerated at a stop sign without looking both ways and hit a car with 1 woman and 4 kids in it BEFORE I had my license. This happened in my mom's Mustang
2. I was trying to back down a long, curvy driveway at night and got stuck to a cement wall (like the whole driver's side of the car was hugging up against the wall). This happened in my mom's sivler Nissan.
3. I was crying really hard because of my at-the-time-on-again-off-again boyfriend and I hit a deer in my own little truck.
4. I fell asleep at the wheel after spending the evening at my aforementioned boyfriend's house watching a boring movie and rolled my dad's truck over a few times. At the time it was our family's only vehicle.
5. I got 2 flat tires the first year while commuting 67 miles (one way) from Twain Harte to Modesto for my first real teaching job.
6. I ran out of gas 2 times in the second (and final) year I commuted from Twain Harte to Modesto.
7. I got a speeding ticket for going 50 in a 35 while trying to get my son to soccer practice in Twain Harte (we were coming from Modesto).
8. I got another speeding ticket for going 80 in a 65 (I was actually going about 87 or so) while driving home from Eureka to Twain Harte after some family holiday.
The last 2 are the reason why I never go more than 10 over. It's my personal mantra.

Happy driving! Love, Nancy

Confession

I am a total loser, I know, but I have allowed myself to become hooked on "Rock of Love 2" It happened while I was randomly flipping through the channels, and I saw Megan from "Beauty & the Geek" up there in the pilot episode getting a VIP pass. (Please don't ask how I know Megan was on Beauty & the Geek). From there, I would catch it once in a while as I flipped through the glut of yuck on every night. Then there came a time when I would actually LOOK on the TV Guide channel to see if it was on... Now I actually know the new episodes come on Sunday nights... so there I am, a faithful watcher.... dying to see what the crazy wild looking girls (with their fake boobs and tatoos) of 20 some years will do for a bandana clad (most likely BALD, why else would he never take that blasted thing off) makeup wearing pervy man in his 40's. Last week was quite a sight... those girls were waaaaaayyyy too drunk to be on TV. This week I think they're going to Vegas... maybe you should tune in too!

For sure $50....

I recently entered this poster into a local conference contest. I had a great time making it and really love how it turned out. I had forgotten about the contest and started the poster on Wednesday... it was due Friday at 5 pm... but luckily it was completed and turned in. My classroom will get $50 for entering. Other prizes are also awarded, but with stiff competition from 3 counties, I am not holding my breath! The kids each either made a vehicle or a house and some trees. They also made a little person with Sharpie marker and colored pencil. I had them write sentences about the process(es) involved then I shrunk them on the copier so they would fit. I used rub on letters to write the conferences theme of "Logging, Living and Learning" around the edge on the border of old rulers.

Today I made a couple of layouts for Kyla's 05 scrapbook. I was not overjoyed with either of them... but maybe the next 2 I make will be better!

What have you created lately?

Love, Nancy

A Quote for Today (and everyday)

Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.
~Claude T. Bissell

Vacation

I am on vacation yet again, so I am trying to WELCOME the week off as an opportunity for catching up on much needed exercising and scrapbooking. We had a very early Open House at our school last night, and for the first time ever in my career every single student attended. I am very blessed to have such devoted parents in my class. I had a glass of wine before (to loosen up) and 2 glasses after to wind down. It was a pretty good night.
Today, my son and his girlfriend celebrated their one year anniversary as a couple. I have a lot to say on this topic, but am banned from speaking about previously mentioned boy and his life on the blog due to nosy high school girls who apparently have nothing better to do than read the rantings of a middle aged mother like myself. I am obviously breaking the rule here, but am willing to chance it.
Tomorrow, The Other Boleyn Girl finally breaks through the redwood curtain to be shown in our little town, so I am looking forword to romance and treachery and champagne after.
Now, I am off to attack the much needed laundry pile then spend some time with my dear Friend, Jesus Christ, after all it is Good Friday, and He has been calling to me lately.

Love, Nancy

Top of the evening to you!

I don't even know if that is a saying or not, but since it's St. Paddy's day and after 7 pm, it's all I can come up with.

Here's a list of happier random things.

1. Today I ate 5 sweet snacks (2 cookies, 1 brownie, pudding, & chocolate coin)
2. I made my first ever meatloaf for dinner tonight, and it was pretty good. It needed a really yummy sauce to top it off, though.
3. My class was wild and crazy and dying to catch a leprechaun.
4. My cute cute handpainted farmhouse rocking chair came today, and I put it together all by myself.
5. My teeth are looking whiter due to the whitestrips I got at Walgreen's the other day.
6. The new season of the Bachelor starts tonight.
7. I have everything prepared for school tomorrow... no more playing 'catch up' every morning!
8. When I told Kyla I needed to use the computer, she didn't yell at me.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Love, Nancy

11 Random Things

1. It was goody day at school today.
2. I spent most of the morning trying not to cry for no apparent reason.
3. I just painted a background for my logging conference poster. It is due Friday. 5 pm.
4. A student in my class said yesterday, "Your bottom teeth are really yellow."
5. I spent $78 on beauty supplies at Walgreen's today.
6. I am spending a lot of time concentrating on breathing.
7. Every day this week I have felt like I am racing to catch up and I'm not sure what I am trying to catch. A cold?
8. It rained here today. An evening rain. It actually felt good to me... refreshing, somehow.
9. I spent the weekend with friends who live far away, and I miss them even more since I saw them.
10. I am giving up pomegranite martinis FOREVER.
11. I have to go look up timber related images on Google for my poster.

Tension

I am having a high tension week. At random times throughout the day I have found myself gritting my teeth, snapping at my family, and creasing my ever more wrinkled brow. Luckily for me, it is over... I have the next 2 days off for volunteering in my cutie niece, Madi's class and going to Tuolumne county for roof issues. I am hoping to find something there that will help me to feel balanced again. Sometimes I just feel so tired.... and snappy..... and cranky.

p.s. I finished The Tale of Despereaux in 2 days... now I'm on to Gonzalez and Daughter Trucking Co.

Love (In the Time of Cholera)

For Christmas, sweet Cindy got me Love in the Time of Cholera (the book) which I was really dying to read. So, I started reading it (with great hopes and expectations), and almost every night I would make it about 1 and a 1/2 pages before falling asleep face down on it! I was just not engrossed! I kind of liked it. I mostly liked it. There were some parts that I liked. Overall, I found it tedious. I feel guilty about this. I like to think I have a pretty capable brain... but when faced with the cold, stark truth that I would rather read Phillippa Gregory's newest enstallment in the King Henry/Boleyn girls series than a classic piece of literature that actually won the Nobel Prize, I have to admit that my claim to being an academic is false.
Right now, I am reading The Tale of Despereaux. It won a prize, too. The Newberry Medal for excellence in children's literature. So far I like it....

Things I love about my class right now....

1. They know all about the routines and how to solve problems. A key word or phrase from me (or even a look) will get them refocused or back to work.
2. Whenever we are reading a story or discussing something, they are totally into it. They always have something to say.
3. I can almost see the neurons in their brains firing as they begin to unravel the ultra-complicated process of reading.
4. They know the difference between "Does anyone have a question?" and "Tell me a story about your dog who died."
5. They can actually draw things that look similar to the original.
6. They are comfortable enough to laugh and joke around.
7. We all missed each other last week when we were on vacation for President's Week.
8. Writing is one of their favorite activities, and they even choose to do it during "exploration time."
9. They are excited and love to learn.

Friday fun!

So what did you do today for Friday fun? I woke up very grumpy to my alarm at 7:30 and got ready to go look at houses with my dear husband (who is obsessed with house hunting), later I scrapped 2 pages (I've done about 2-3 pages every day this week... unusual for me lately to do that many in a month!), then I did some kid shuttling and picked up some enlargements at Costco (where I saw Cindy!), my parents dropped by, and I had melted chocolate chips and walnuts for dinner. I did try to get Mark to take me out to dinner, but I was unsuccessful. I think it's been at least 4 weeks since we've eaten dinner in a restaurant. Tomorrow I am picking up pizza from Round Table...I am almost giddy about it... isn't that pitiful? Am trying to decide if I should head for the scrapbook table or a wine glass on the sofa.....

Hmmmmmmmm.... what would you do?
If only I had Kristin here to help me decide!
Love, Nancy

Creative weekend

Over at Ali Edward's blog (link is on my sidebar) she has a challenge to get people to rethink their word for the year and do something creative with it. So here it is only 10 something on Saturday and I have already worked out for a whole hour AND made this cute little page for my "welcome" book.(Welcome is my word for the year, in case you forgot... I actually forgot and had to look it up on this blog! Ack!)

Anyway, I am welcoming this week off of work (even though this morning I had crazy work stuff swimming around in my head including an obnoxious vowel song, and could not sleep in!) Also, I am welcoming the opportunity to be creative, and, to get in touch with some people I haven't talked to in a while. Maybe I will even have some one over for dinner!

Have a great Saturday! Love, Nancy

Comfortable

Most people don't know
there are angels
whose only job is to make sure
you don't get too comfortable
and fall asleep and miss your life.

This quote is by one of my favorites... Brian Andreas. And tonight it feels right for me. I am becoming comfortable with financial stress. I am comfortable at work. I am comfortable in my marriage. I am comfortable as a mother.

I am not putting out my best effort anywhere. I am not reaching out. I am not striving to do better. I am not unhappy. I am not happy. I am just passing time.

I need an angel to wake me up. I hope it's not a really serious one.

After 10 long years....

(no, it hasn't been 10 years since I posted)
But, it has been 10 years since I started collecting wine (and a few champagne) corks for my cork board. And about a week ago I finally finished it! It is hanging up above my desk in the GIANT scrapbooking room in our current house. We are all settled and things are starting to feel like home. I can pretty much walk around in the dark, and I don't have to try the light switches numerous times to figure out which one I want (I was still doing that in our previous house, it must mean the house and I just weren't made for each other!)
Will try to be back soon with more thoughts... today I felt like I was for sure getting sick for about 4 hours, but then I got home and puttered around making dinner and all that busy-ness that happens after work, and then WALLA! I felt completely fine, so I came in here and scrapped a page from Kyla's 95 book. I would show you, but it's 12x12 and I am not in the mood to scan and stitch it.. (pause here to listen to my wistful sigh as I wish for a digital SLR)
Anyway, I am going to go hang out with Mark before he leaves for work.

Goodnight! Love, Nancy

Gotta love those NY football Giants!

Now, I am not really a football fan, I am actually more of a football widow if you want to be precise, but every year I try to watch the Super bowl and be INTO it. It's really no fun if you aren't INTO it! :)

So I bought some yummy dip stuff and a 12 pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade, and decided today I would be a Giants fan. I don't really care about the Giants, but I have a tender heart and always have to root for the underdog, so there you have it!

I missed the 1st quarter because I was in the kitchen making dip, but at the beginning of the 2nd quarter I was all prepared to pack up and go watch some girly TV in the bedroom if the Patriots scored effortlessly (again). It might have even been easier that way. But fate kept me in the living room with my boys for the whole game, and I was really proud of that little Ely Manning when he broke numerous tackles and rescued his team from sure defeat on a crucial 3rd down play.

It was a good day... The smug Patriots perfect season was ruined... a 5th seed wild card team won the Superbowl... I ate a variety of yummy snacks with 4 lemonades to wash them down... and Jane Austen is on PBS masterpiece at 9:00.

See ya! (hopefully soon)

Love, Nancy

Blog? What blog?

I have been up to my bushy unplucked eyebrows in work this week with report cards due and many new ideas swimming around in my head from last week's CA Kindergarten conference... but I haven't the time for blogging or chatting or posting any of my great new photos.....

There's a 2000 square foot house full of STUFF (you could choose to say crap, junk, or lovely items I cannot bear to part with here) that needs to be packed and moved 3.1 miles across town. By Sunday.

Enough said.

Love, Nancy

Whew!!

It's so hard to adjust to working again after being off. It was nice to be back with my cute K's though. Bad, bad week for working out, but today I'm a pound and a half lower than I was last week after working out every day for an hour and a half. I did cut my calorie intake somewhat... It just doesn't make any sense! Alas, a tummy tuck seems to be the only rational solution!

The daily art hasn't been happening either, but on the up side I have taken down almost all of the Christmas decorations. I have just the little gingerbread tree left to do, and it will be a piece of cake!

Today was a good day.... with 12 hours of sleep behind me, a good workout and the Packers winning their playoff game. We also went to a wedding reception for an old friend and his new wife. It was nice to chat with some people I haven't seen in 12 years or so. It was also nice to dress up and see Mark wearing slacks and a linen shirt. I really should get a picture before he changes.
Sorry for the random blathering... will try to be more witty or thought provoking tomorrow!

Love, Nancy

My fierce (but adorable) pup

Page 6 for my "What Matters" album... Mixed some old papers with new...used a couple of scraps... I keep them around, might as well look at them occasionally! Love, love, love this picture of Pepper. Could have it blown up to poster size for display in the living room! It really shows his funny little personality. Look at that attitude, that bulging chest, the glaring eyes... look at the 3 inch long legs splayed out like a duck, the mismatched eyes (one blue, one brown), the fur that grows in every color with no rhyme or reason.

On another note, I WELCOMED my class back to school today. It was a good day. We chatted as we cut snowflake after snowflake from coffee filters then we picked our favorites, colored them with markers, then stuck them in water to make a motley of blues, greens and purples. We talked about what Santa brought us... about the movies we saw. We made a chart about what we would do if it snowed. We made sticks of 5 cubes and talked about the "number sentences" they made then wrote them on the white board. We read "The Mitten". At recess 3 little girls huddled on my lap to keep warm from the icy wind while the rest of the class ran pell mell through the wet chips. At the end of the day while they played I called them over one by one and asked them to blend words. Almost all of them have mastered it. Yes, it was a good day.

One little word

Last year I tried the "one little word" challenge from over on Ali Edward's blog. If you cannot remember, I chose "fullness". For some reason, the word lost it's meaning to me as the year went on, and I didn't get much out of it.... most likely because I didn't put much effort in!

This year I didn't expect to choose a word, but then inspiration struck... I sat and wrote trying to free my mind... you know, that stream of consciousness writing thing-y.... Here is my list:
simplify
clarify
listen
relax
gratitude
grace
forgiveness
presence
gathering
priorities
love

I wrote these words again and again on a piece of paper... waiting for the front runner to appear to me. When that didn't work, I moved to the computer thinking I'd look up quotes on "inspiration peak" until I felt that one was just right. While I was waiting for our ever so slow computer to get to "inspiration peak" my mind kept wheeling around and around and out of the abyss came the word "WELCOME". I pictured myself welcoming each day with open arms... welcoming 2008.... welcoming my family and friends into closer relationships.... welcoming Jesus into my heart yet again... welcoming challenges and discomfort and pain as an opportunity to grow. I did a search for quotes with this word in them and loved all 4 of them.... Hence, my new word for the year is "WELCOME". In celebration I made a cover for a journal of quotes and musings on my word of the year... it is my art for today.


In addition, here is one of the quotes. It is perfect.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meaness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whomever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Beloved Persian Poet

My new ringtone

Follow your Heart

Another page for my "What Matters" book... Used new papers and rub ons I got at the scrap store today. I had a gift certificate from a sweet student and his parents! I actually used a silver pen and drew aborder around the picture... pretty wild for my non-doodling self. Also, on the bottom right of the picture is the word "you"... those square typewriter keys never scan well.

Am trying, no struggling, to feel more myself this week. I thought that this time off would supply me with energy, peace, sustenance. I thought I would create page after page... pack piles of boxes with rarely used items.... read novel after novel... work my body out until the fat poured off of it. Instead I have felt the same old lethargy, latent anger and anxiety as usual. Maybe it's moving from our beautiful house... maybe it's feeling financially trapped by our inability to sell that lovely, empty house sitting in the snow. Last night we had a horrible wind storm ripping through our area. I lay awake listening to the wind howling and wondering if the roof was going to blow off our house down in Sonora. And if it did, how long would it take for someone to notice? What would be the damage? Would the home owner's insurance cover it? Would the house sell better with a new roof? My brain was doing it's "hamster running on the exercise wheel" imitation. I got relatively little sleep.

I want to focus on "What Matters"... I NEED to focus on "What Matters."

Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Love, Nancy

Adorable you

My art for today. Page was actually started at a scrapbooking workshop thing-y called CKU Masters 2005!! Has been sitting empty in album for all those months. It was sponsored by Rusty Pickle (a scrapping company for all you non-scrappers out there). We started with black patterned paper then added corrugated cardboard which we dry brushed with white paint. The fabric looking stuff around the buckle is actually paper. I really love the lacy ribbon on the tag and the teeny tiny staples. I added the pink ric-rac to the safety pin and the white heart ric-rac, heart charm, and the flower with a button center.... along with the cute pictures of Kyla from her 2nd birthday.

What Matters

So while lurking around in blogland, I commited to "creating art everyday in January" Ack! What?! Am I crazy?! Already I have failed as the pomegranite martinis (as well as a BOTTLE of champage) left me unable to leave the comfort of my bed yesterday, but here it is, the 2nd, and I created a little smidgy piece of art... my type of art.
It is the title page for an album I have been thinking of making called "What Matters". I whipped out my ne'er used paints for the border around the quote and even used a stamp from a set of very expensive acrylics I bought months ago and was afraid of. My goal will be to make a page or two each day this month and have it finished by the time the month is over. As the album is only 20 pages in length, I am hoping I will finish it. Also, since it is 8x8 inches, it will be easy to scan the pages for posting here. Wish me luck!

Love, Nancy