Words of Wisdom

My dear friend Karen emailed this to me and it struck a chord in my heart.

Concentrate on this Sentence

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.'
When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

Things I've never had:
a healthy body image (when I weighed 100 lb I was bony... now I am chubby with a muffin top)
a strong sense of self esteem (although, it has slowly gotten better over the years)
the ability to talk comfortably to strangers (I avoid manicures, pedicures, even haircuts because I dread that small talk you have to make... until I get to know the stylist, then I'm OK)
the confidence to run (like exercise run) in public (I think I breathe too hard, and I turn really red)

So, I am making time to listen to God... to hear his plan for me.... if I acquire any of the above things I long for, then I will know my life is doubly blessed. Just like I said at the beginning of 2009... I am lucky.

Blessed Friday

I just love Fridays. Friday is the saviour of my week. Around Thursday night, I start to feel a releasing of tension... an easing of stress, and I know it's the promise of Friday.... just waiting out there for me.
Then, when Friday actually gets here I feel so free... at reading group today, the kinders wrote about their dreams for the world (aka MLK Jr.) and that took only a few minutes, so we wrote and drew on dry erase boards and played games with sight words and letters. At phonics time we had a "snowball fight" with sight words. They wrote a word on a piece of paper, then balled it up. When I yelled "go" we threw the "snowballs" at each other across the block shelf. Then when I yelled "stop" we grabbed a "snowball" and opened it and read it to 3 people.
Later, at home, the promise of the weekend just beckons to me. How many choices to make... will I scrapbook? get a little tipsy on Mike's Hard Lemonade? go out? call a friend I haven't kept up with? Maybe. I will for sure get caught up on laundry, clean my parts of the house, do the shopping, make some real meals we will eat at the table together, and work out everyday. These "for sures" make me feel productive. Content. I will also FOR SURE wear those hideous baggy unflattering sweats you see above and my new comfy (fake) fur lined slippers. I will sleep in. I will watch "Friday Night Lights".
Friday is my time to re-energize. Thank you, God, for blessing me with Fridays.

Bad Mama

So over the course of this week, two very important people had birthdays in our house. On Monday, my baby girl turned 15. And yesterday, the boy turned 17. I had these big plans to take photos of each of them on their day, and give them cards with heart warming (yet true) sentiments of how much each of them means to me. Somehow it just didn't happen. I feel like a bad mama, a neglectful mama, a horrible mama. Considering the fact that no one has called me "mama" in this house for about 10 years, it is ironic. I feel certain that my disappointment is much greater than theirs is. There are so few living at home birthdays left to celebrate. Now, don't think I'm a total slacker.... we did go out to dinner 2 separate times to celebrate, and we had a little family party here as well, but it just doesn't feel complete. These teenage birthdays are big milestones. I want to make them memorable.

And since I don't have any current pictures, here they are circa 1995 when the boy was about 3 and the girl was just over 1. Don't worry, she dug her way out of there just fine.

Heart

Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.



With all the turmoil in the world these days, it's nice to be reminded of the simple things.

Heart

Good to be Back

It was such a nice feeling to be back at work. I enjoyed seeing my colleagues. I really enjoyed being busy. I really, really enjoyed hanging out with my students. I changed the schedule around again, so instead of cleaning up at the morning bell and jumping right into work, we played until 8:50 or so. It was such a relaxing way to start the day. After that, we came together and had "circle time". I got to hear all about who stayed the night with who and who got a "Intendo DS" for Christmas. We read a story about snow, then they went to music. After music we had snack and recess. Thankfully, the rain stopped and they were able to slush around out in the chips instead of being cooped up inside. After that we read about penguins, used our bodies as globes to compare Arctic and Antarctic wildlife, then painted giant penguins on 12x18 inch paper. After lunch we learned 2 new letters, did our calendar and math, had P.E. and read a story. Then, (here was the real reason for the schedule change) we did our writing. We had 30 uninterupted minutes to do 2 writing activities. It was fabulous. Only Joaquin said, "We didn't get to play." after I announced it was time to go home.... you see, playing used to happen at the end of the day, not the beginning. I wonder if he will get it tomorrow?
I am off to watch the new "Bachelor"... I always preferred Jason, so I am glad they're giving him another chance. I'll be cutting out 20 giant penguins while I watch.

A post on The Shipping News (and love)

So last night I went to bed around 7:30, got super cozy and warm and finished reading The Shipping News. This book has been on my list of books to read for quite a while, so I was really looking forward to it. It is about an odd guy named Quoyle who is fairly unsuccessful in life. He never really finds a job he's good at. His one friend moves to California. And the woman he chooses as a wife treats him horribly and constantly cheats on him. Then, on a fateful day, the wife, Petal, steals their 2 daughters, sells them to a pervert and is killed in a car crash. The girls are brought back unharmed thank goodness, and Quoyle moves to Newfoundland, place of his ancestors, with an Aunt he has just met. While in Newfoundland Quoyle meets and interacts with many suprising and odd people. He becomes pretty good at his job. He makes a few friends. He does several things which people think are stupid (which does not surprise him). And he does several things for which people congratulate him (this really surprises him). Throughout the book he comes into an acceptance of himself as those around him accept him. He also learns that love doesn't always have to a red hot fire full of pain, but can also be (and in my opinion truly is) a place of warmth, safety and comfort, free from pain. I think this is a book that will stay with me for a while... as I continue on my slow journey to accept myself, and live my life day to day (enjoying simple pleasures), and learn to love more fully.

Another Day

1. I put away all of the Christmas Decorations and 1 (of 3) of the trees.
2. I slept late and talked to Cindyanna today. (Both always a pleasure)
3. I haven't had lunch yet, and it is 3:42 p.m.
4. I gave Pepper his squeaker pig back this morning, and he promptly began to squeak it. After about 40 minutes, I put the squeaker pig back up on the shelf. Pepper proceeded to jump and whine and yelp for it for the next 10 minutes. Now he has forgotten aobut it.
5. I have been crying off and on since last night with the fear that I have alienated 3 of my closest friends. I keep praying one of them will call me, but at this late hour of the day, it doesn't look good. It was entirely my fault, I acted like an idiot. I feel hopeless.
6. In the midst of this day, I am trying to remember the things I love about my life. I am still so lucky to be me.

Lucky

For the last couple of years, I have been choosing a word for the year to help guide me in my path. First I had "fullness". Last year it was "welcome". This year I have chosen "lucky". I flipped through the thesaurus for a while. I thought and thought. It finally came down to the sweet necklace Anne gave to me for my birthday. It is a fortune cookie and has a little tab off the side that says "lucky". Every time I wear it, I think of all of the blessings in my life. So this year I am going to go back to the process of making a gratitiude journal. Each night before I go to sleep I will write list of things I feel blessed my day.
If you are interested in choosing a word, you can go to Ali Edwards' blog. The link is on my side bar.

Happy New Year!