Living

OUT LOUD!!

The Beach

This is a shot we took at the beach while trying to get a picture for my mom's Christmas gift. I love the way Maddie is peeking around at Alivia. I love the way Livi's hair is blowing in the wind. I love how you can see how cold it is by the hunching of Kyla and Alyssa's shoulders. I even love how you can see Mason's impatience at these "weird pictures" by how he's standing.

I promised myself that when we moved back here I would spend more time at the beach. The ocean is one of the things I like best about Eureka. It's just so primal and beautiful and full of power. Will try to schedule a trip this stormy week if the bad weather lets up.

My first trip to the beach was when I was about 8 years old or so.... very late considering we lived less than an hour away.... but my parents didn't much like leaving home. Anyway, we all piled into some vehicle and drove out to Panther Gap and then to the "lost coast". I was so excited to see the waves and the sand. I really wanted to go and run in the waves like kids did on TV, but my dad would not stop the car. He said it was too windy and cold to get out. I know now that it probably was very windy and cold, and I probably would have not lasted on the sand for more than 10 minutes, but my regret at not getting to really experience the ocean that day was very great.

My own children are not the type who like to try new things very often.... especially not Mason. But, I try to expose them to life in an active way as often as possible. I want them to have as many experiences as possible.... to feel like they are living and not just observing the lives of others through that flickering window we call the TV.

Merry & Bright

Well, up until the 22nd things were pretty hectic. As usual I was frantically trying to get everything done for my classroom up until just about the last minute.

On Thursday night after attending the Winter Program at school where my Kindergartners sang "Channukah is Here" (they were pretty cute btw!) I drove to Walgreens to drop off one last roll of film to develop. My plan was to give my parent volunteers a nice photo of their child in a frame, but several of the pictures from Tuesday came out pretty whonky and a couple of kids were absent, hence the Thursday night foray to Walgreen's. I arrived at about 8:05 p.m. Had to wait in line 10 minutes because they had lost the pictures of the customer in front of me. Finally left at 8:15 with my little tag saying pics would be ready at 9:15.

So with 1 hour on my hands, I ventured to the mall to finish stocking shopping for my kids. I went to 3 stores, got everything I needed, and was promptly back in line at Walgreen's at 9:18. Things were going just as planned.....

The girl at the photo counter was on the phone and noticably frazzled, digging through drawers. I waited about 5 minutes until a guy showed up. He asked the phone girl what needed to be done. She told him to help "that lady" (meaning me). He wandered over, glanced at my tag without saying anything, and wandered away. About 30 seconds later phone girl comes over, still on the phone, and asks if he helped me. "I don't really know, he looked at my tag." is my unhelpful answer. She walks off talking into the phone. He comes back holding a roll of film all unwound and hanging from that contraption that goes in the machince, and leers pretty close to me saying, "I've been at lunch, and it was pretty busy so your pictures haven't been started yet, but we'll get them done really soon." It is then that I notice the distinctive aroma of the Humboldt County drug of choice wafting off of photo guy. I look more closely at him and sure enough, his eyes are red and glossy.... pupils enlarged. Must've been a nice lunch.

15 minutes later, stoned photo guy rings up my pictures (thankfully they came out great)saying, "Mrs. Ber.... Mrs. Berg.... Mrs. How do you say your name?" "Mrs. Bergenske" I reply. "Well, Mrs. Bergenske, Mrs. Bergenske, Mrs. Bergenske..... You're here to pick up your pictures." And what could I say to that. He was painfully right.

I finally got home at 10:00 and spent the next hour wrapping parent gifts. And putting tags and bows on gifts for my students.

Things have been getting progressively better since Thursday night. We had a lovely evening last night with all of Mark's siblings and their families here at our house. I felt very relaxed about the whole thing and had a great time. I got to hold sweet Charles, if just for a little while.

Today we celebrated together as a family and I even made breakfast... a rare occasion indeed. Kyla is happily talking on the phone and playing with her new American Girl doll. Mason is patiently waiting for me to get off the computer so he can start loading his new 30gb ipod with classic rock and roll. Mark is watching 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" and vacuuming the debris off the living room carpet.

All is certainly Merry and Bright.

Cousins

this is the reason why we are here.....


family.

My mom asked for a picture of all her grandkids for Christmas, and this is the best we could come up with.

Mason is incredibly BAD at pictures....

doesn't look and the camera and NEVER smiles!

But all the girlies are sure adorable!!

Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas cards..... CHECK!

Well, only 7 short days until Christmas and things are getting a little wild around here. I made a 16 item "To do list" for Sunday and got about 14 of them done..... finished the Christmas cards tonight and am moving on to my 14 item list for this week..... have done nothing on it as of yet, so maybe I will add "Update blog" as #15 and then cross it off... that always makes me feel better. I intended to only check my email and then dash into the kitchen to make glue and cinnamon "gingerbread" ornaments for my class to decorate for their parents as a gift ( I am the ONLY teacher at Ferndale who has not finished the parent gifts ).... but then Pepper climbed up into my lap and is being very still and cuddly... he just grunts occasionally.... and it's just too hard to toss him on the floor. I LOVE that feeling of being needed when something small and helpless lays on you and sleeps......

Had a nice visit with my Mom's side of the family in Hayfork on Saturday. I got to bring my sisters 3 girls along with me, and they were fantastic. My favorite part of the day was listening to Maddie (who is just 4) tell Grandma stories in the car. She told Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, Little Red Riding Hood, The Gingerbread Man and one other I can't remember. I HAVE to video tape her soon! She has the sweetest little high pitched voice and remembers LOTS of "book" words and phrases... It's just the cutest thing you ever did see!!

Peace to all!

Grouchy

I was feeling soooooo grumpy today. Did not want to talk to anyone... just tired and drained.... so after helping to wrap gifts for needy students, I just packed up all my work and drove away. I had a decent chat with Mason on the way home.... (he's NOT planning on college as of now, because he wants to be a toothpaste inventor..... I said, you mean CHEMIST? That means you go to college!) I got drive through KFC.... already had dinner.... check the time.... and I feel sooooo much better! Can totally envision being creative tonight. Will maybe write the Christmas letter and do a little scrapping..... Now off to walk on the tread mill before the energy wears off!

My theme song....

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel likeIt's a beautiful dayDon't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's" Your Theme Song?

shopping

So I have this old black plastic portfolio with lists for Christmas gifts and Christmas cards since, like 1998. I don't know why I like to keep all the old ones, but it's nice for me to remember what I gave on previous years, so I don't duplicate it. And, I use last year's card list to make this year's card list.

Some years I start buying gifts in, oh, say June. This year I had a total of ONE gift purchased by December 1st. And, money being a bit tight around here, last week I started filling out the list with homemade gifts I could make with scrapbooking supplies.... Lord knows, I have enough supplies to make 10 years worth of gifts!! Then, yesterday, I went to Target with my list to get stuff (mostly for preteen boys) who I had no ideas for, and I ended up buying for most everyone..... there will be very FEW homemade gifts this year..... It just felt easier that way... with so little creative energy flowing out of me, I didn't want to use it up on altering art supplies for a 5 year old.....

Oh, and this sweet little girly in my class told me Friday when we were writing our letters to Santa that her favorite reindeer is Comma. Hee Heee!!

work, work, work......

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by work again. I have not left school before 5:00 all week, and with Mason pacing around the classroom from 3:20 on, it is not pleasant. In addition to putting in late hours, I usually do 3-4 hours of prepping at home each night. I do not know why it's taking me so long to get things done.... am I too unorganized?.... am I slow?.... am I doing too much?......

It's a question I have no answer for.... but I am working on it! I want A LIFE!!

Here is an older photo of Kyla and Alyssa "kissing" Santa (actually my cousin Tim).... I found it last night at about 11:00 when I was obsessing about finding a photo to use as my desktop background that was winter related.

Now I am off to see what I still have to finish

a father who loves me....

So this morning as I was flipping through the guide on the TV, I saw that Pride & Prejudice was on..... now I own this movie, I bought it the very first day it came out on DVD, but I was compelled to watch it anyway. So as I unpacked yet another box of Christmas decorations, I listened to the familiar text and watched my favorite parts. When almost everything was put away, I sat to watch the ending.... Ahhhh, the best part..... but even after Mr. Darcy whispered those enchanting words..... You have bewitched me body and soul, and I lll, I llllove, I love you..... I was still mesmerized by the TV. Now here was a new happening. When Lizzy is talking to her father about Mr. Darcy, and her father starts to cry when he realizes how much she actually loves him, and he says, "I never thought anyone would be worthy enough to deserve you, but it seems I have been contradicted"..... well, those words caused me to burst into tears. All at once I felt this giant hole in my heart that has never felt that love that only an adoring father can give. I know this void to be the root of many of my problems with my own self worth. I have spent much time trying to accept this void and to appreciate my father and the quiet, stern, uncommunicating love which is all he has to offer me. Then, later, as a gift, I came across these words.....

Naughty or Nice
Thy are my child

It came from the World Prayers Archives, and it touched that spot in my heart and filled it just a little bit.... I do have a father who loves me with an adoring love.... who cried with joy on the day I accepted the proposal of my dearest Mark.... who tearfully rejoiced with me when my children were born.... who watches over me each day and hopes that someday I will realize that indeed I am worthy.... worthy of love.