Time stands still

Even though it is almost June, I am still stuck back in March. I have not progressed much since the day I was handed (and had to sign) the paper that said I would not have a classroom of children to teach next year. For all these weeks I have gone through the motions. I wake up. I eat. I shower. I go to work and laugh and talk and work as hard as I can to make each day a learning experience for the 19 souls I am with from 8:00 to 2:15. I clean up and get things ready for the next day. I come home and make dinner. I do dishes. I try to relate to and encourage my family at home. Although, if I must confess, I think this is where I fall the flatest. I work out. I go on the internet. I watch TV. I read a little from the book I have out from the library. Then I go to sleep. But my heart just isn't in most of it. As often as I pray, I just can't find peace. I can't feel joy. I feel like I am in limbo... dreaded limbo again. I am often on the edge of tears. I am eager to lose myself in someone else's life. I am not as patient. I am not as giving. I can feel myself closing up with this pain of being told I can't be a teacher anymore. I am curling inward a little more each day.... unwilling to trust... afraid of taking a risk... Fearing the future.