Living

OUT LOUD!!

The Beach

This is a shot we took at the beach while trying to get a picture for my mom's Christmas gift. I love the way Maddie is peeking around at Alivia. I love the way Livi's hair is blowing in the wind. I love how you can see how cold it is by the hunching of Kyla and Alyssa's shoulders. I even love how you can see Mason's impatience at these "weird pictures" by how he's standing.

I promised myself that when we moved back here I would spend more time at the beach. The ocean is one of the things I like best about Eureka. It's just so primal and beautiful and full of power. Will try to schedule a trip this stormy week if the bad weather lets up.

My first trip to the beach was when I was about 8 years old or so.... very late considering we lived less than an hour away.... but my parents didn't much like leaving home. Anyway, we all piled into some vehicle and drove out to Panther Gap and then to the "lost coast". I was so excited to see the waves and the sand. I really wanted to go and run in the waves like kids did on TV, but my dad would not stop the car. He said it was too windy and cold to get out. I know now that it probably was very windy and cold, and I probably would have not lasted on the sand for more than 10 minutes, but my regret at not getting to really experience the ocean that day was very great.

My own children are not the type who like to try new things very often.... especially not Mason. But, I try to expose them to life in an active way as often as possible. I want them to have as many experiences as possible.... to feel like they are living and not just observing the lives of others through that flickering window we call the TV.

Merry & Bright

Well, up until the 22nd things were pretty hectic. As usual I was frantically trying to get everything done for my classroom up until just about the last minute.

On Thursday night after attending the Winter Program at school where my Kindergartners sang "Channukah is Here" (they were pretty cute btw!) I drove to Walgreens to drop off one last roll of film to develop. My plan was to give my parent volunteers a nice photo of their child in a frame, but several of the pictures from Tuesday came out pretty whonky and a couple of kids were absent, hence the Thursday night foray to Walgreen's. I arrived at about 8:05 p.m. Had to wait in line 10 minutes because they had lost the pictures of the customer in front of me. Finally left at 8:15 with my little tag saying pics would be ready at 9:15.

So with 1 hour on my hands, I ventured to the mall to finish stocking shopping for my kids. I went to 3 stores, got everything I needed, and was promptly back in line at Walgreen's at 9:18. Things were going just as planned.....

The girl at the photo counter was on the phone and noticably frazzled, digging through drawers. I waited about 5 minutes until a guy showed up. He asked the phone girl what needed to be done. She told him to help "that lady" (meaning me). He wandered over, glanced at my tag without saying anything, and wandered away. About 30 seconds later phone girl comes over, still on the phone, and asks if he helped me. "I don't really know, he looked at my tag." is my unhelpful answer. She walks off talking into the phone. He comes back holding a roll of film all unwound and hanging from that contraption that goes in the machince, and leers pretty close to me saying, "I've been at lunch, and it was pretty busy so your pictures haven't been started yet, but we'll get them done really soon." It is then that I notice the distinctive aroma of the Humboldt County drug of choice wafting off of photo guy. I look more closely at him and sure enough, his eyes are red and glossy.... pupils enlarged. Must've been a nice lunch.

15 minutes later, stoned photo guy rings up my pictures (thankfully they came out great)saying, "Mrs. Ber.... Mrs. Berg.... Mrs. How do you say your name?" "Mrs. Bergenske" I reply. "Well, Mrs. Bergenske, Mrs. Bergenske, Mrs. Bergenske..... You're here to pick up your pictures." And what could I say to that. He was painfully right.

I finally got home at 10:00 and spent the next hour wrapping parent gifts. And putting tags and bows on gifts for my students.

Things have been getting progressively better since Thursday night. We had a lovely evening last night with all of Mark's siblings and their families here at our house. I felt very relaxed about the whole thing and had a great time. I got to hold sweet Charles, if just for a little while.

Today we celebrated together as a family and I even made breakfast... a rare occasion indeed. Kyla is happily talking on the phone and playing with her new American Girl doll. Mason is patiently waiting for me to get off the computer so he can start loading his new 30gb ipod with classic rock and roll. Mark is watching 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" and vacuuming the debris off the living room carpet.

All is certainly Merry and Bright.

Cousins

this is the reason why we are here.....


family.

My mom asked for a picture of all her grandkids for Christmas, and this is the best we could come up with.

Mason is incredibly BAD at pictures....

doesn't look and the camera and NEVER smiles!

But all the girlies are sure adorable!!

Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas cards..... CHECK!

Well, only 7 short days until Christmas and things are getting a little wild around here. I made a 16 item "To do list" for Sunday and got about 14 of them done..... finished the Christmas cards tonight and am moving on to my 14 item list for this week..... have done nothing on it as of yet, so maybe I will add "Update blog" as #15 and then cross it off... that always makes me feel better. I intended to only check my email and then dash into the kitchen to make glue and cinnamon "gingerbread" ornaments for my class to decorate for their parents as a gift ( I am the ONLY teacher at Ferndale who has not finished the parent gifts ).... but then Pepper climbed up into my lap and is being very still and cuddly... he just grunts occasionally.... and it's just too hard to toss him on the floor. I LOVE that feeling of being needed when something small and helpless lays on you and sleeps......

Had a nice visit with my Mom's side of the family in Hayfork on Saturday. I got to bring my sisters 3 girls along with me, and they were fantastic. My favorite part of the day was listening to Maddie (who is just 4) tell Grandma stories in the car. She told Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, Little Red Riding Hood, The Gingerbread Man and one other I can't remember. I HAVE to video tape her soon! She has the sweetest little high pitched voice and remembers LOTS of "book" words and phrases... It's just the cutest thing you ever did see!!

Peace to all!

Grouchy

I was feeling soooooo grumpy today. Did not want to talk to anyone... just tired and drained.... so after helping to wrap gifts for needy students, I just packed up all my work and drove away. I had a decent chat with Mason on the way home.... (he's NOT planning on college as of now, because he wants to be a toothpaste inventor..... I said, you mean CHEMIST? That means you go to college!) I got drive through KFC.... already had dinner.... check the time.... and I feel sooooo much better! Can totally envision being creative tonight. Will maybe write the Christmas letter and do a little scrapping..... Now off to walk on the tread mill before the energy wears off!

My theme song....

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel likeIt's a beautiful dayDon't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's" Your Theme Song?

shopping

So I have this old black plastic portfolio with lists for Christmas gifts and Christmas cards since, like 1998. I don't know why I like to keep all the old ones, but it's nice for me to remember what I gave on previous years, so I don't duplicate it. And, I use last year's card list to make this year's card list.

Some years I start buying gifts in, oh, say June. This year I had a total of ONE gift purchased by December 1st. And, money being a bit tight around here, last week I started filling out the list with homemade gifts I could make with scrapbooking supplies.... Lord knows, I have enough supplies to make 10 years worth of gifts!! Then, yesterday, I went to Target with my list to get stuff (mostly for preteen boys) who I had no ideas for, and I ended up buying for most everyone..... there will be very FEW homemade gifts this year..... It just felt easier that way... with so little creative energy flowing out of me, I didn't want to use it up on altering art supplies for a 5 year old.....

Oh, and this sweet little girly in my class told me Friday when we were writing our letters to Santa that her favorite reindeer is Comma. Hee Heee!!

work, work, work......

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by work again. I have not left school before 5:00 all week, and with Mason pacing around the classroom from 3:20 on, it is not pleasant. In addition to putting in late hours, I usually do 3-4 hours of prepping at home each night. I do not know why it's taking me so long to get things done.... am I too unorganized?.... am I slow?.... am I doing too much?......

It's a question I have no answer for.... but I am working on it! I want A LIFE!!

Here is an older photo of Kyla and Alyssa "kissing" Santa (actually my cousin Tim).... I found it last night at about 11:00 when I was obsessing about finding a photo to use as my desktop background that was winter related.

Now I am off to see what I still have to finish

a father who loves me....

So this morning as I was flipping through the guide on the TV, I saw that Pride & Prejudice was on..... now I own this movie, I bought it the very first day it came out on DVD, but I was compelled to watch it anyway. So as I unpacked yet another box of Christmas decorations, I listened to the familiar text and watched my favorite parts. When almost everything was put away, I sat to watch the ending.... Ahhhh, the best part..... but even after Mr. Darcy whispered those enchanting words..... You have bewitched me body and soul, and I lll, I llllove, I love you..... I was still mesmerized by the TV. Now here was a new happening. When Lizzy is talking to her father about Mr. Darcy, and her father starts to cry when he realizes how much she actually loves him, and he says, "I never thought anyone would be worthy enough to deserve you, but it seems I have been contradicted"..... well, those words caused me to burst into tears. All at once I felt this giant hole in my heart that has never felt that love that only an adoring father can give. I know this void to be the root of many of my problems with my own self worth. I have spent much time trying to accept this void and to appreciate my father and the quiet, stern, uncommunicating love which is all he has to offer me. Then, later, as a gift, I came across these words.....

Naughty or Nice
Thy are my child

It came from the World Prayers Archives, and it touched that spot in my heart and filled it just a little bit.... I do have a father who loves me with an adoring love.... who cried with joy on the day I accepted the proposal of my dearest Mark.... who tearfully rejoiced with me when my children were born.... who watches over me each day and hopes that someday I will realize that indeed I am worthy.... worthy of love.

More about me....

You are supposed to answer the following questions using photographs or images. Hmmm...maybe I will try this soon.
one. who am i?
two. who knows me best?
three. how old am i? (or how old do i feel?)
four. the most important thing in my life is _____________
five. i always carry _____________________
six. something i always do _____________________
seven. i'm at my happiest when _____________________
eight. on a monday morning, you can find me ____________
nine. my favourite mode of transport
ten. my eyes are _____________________
eleven. my favourite material posession
twelve. to relax, i like to _____________________
thirteen. the town i live in is _____________________
fourteen. my worst habit
fifteen. my guilty pleasure
sixteen. when i look at someone, the first thing i see is _______
seventeen. i think _____________________ is beautiful
eighteen. one thing i can live without
nineteen. one thing people don't know about me
twenty. my life is ___________________

Thankful for.....

...Mason getting a haircut today
...popcorn and diet pepsi
...snuggling under a cozy blanket with Kyla while watching Harry Potter
...Pepper cuddled up on my lap
...finishing 9 of 11 items off my to do list today
...a warm house with rain dripping onto the roof
...a movie date with my husband last night
...the prospect of NOT cooking dinner tomorrow
...an email from my good friend Shelley
...watching Harry Potter in Spanish and laughing with the boys
...Kyla being kicked off the computer so I can use it
...my yummy cranberry chutney chilling in the fridge
...talking to my Grandma on the phone yesterday
...a day filled with family tomorrow
...3 days with friends and wine tasting next week
...LIFE

Holiday fever

Every year I swear that I will not get bogged down by the holidays.... it's such a beautiful time of year filled with the opportunity for peace and introspection and gratitude and love.... But inevitably I end up stressed by the pressures of gift giving and cooking and just the sheer EXPENSE of it all. So even though Thanksgiving is only a mere 3 days away, I am pledging to use this most precious time of advent for what it was intended... to prepare my heart to once again accept the gift of Jesus.

By far the best shot of the day..

was of MY baby.... Pepper. Isn't that a great look.

(Also, the great light really makes the shot!!)

Here are the shots of Charles...

By the time I arrived at Charles' house, the day was pretty stormy and the light was not great, but we got a few good shots.... Here are my favorites....

Wanna be photographer

So yesterday I got to go up to my inlaws house to take some pics of my new nephew, Charles. In order to get ready I whipped out my camera manual and proceeded to read about how to shoot without using the preprogammed modes. All that reading inspired me to take a few pics at home before venturing up to see Charles. Here are a few of the shots I took.....

This is my niece Alyssa looking cute..... and quirky in her pink fishnet sleeves!! And of course Kyla is being her crazy but beautiful self!

A random chat

One of the best things about commuting with your kids is that you are stuck in the car together, and they are almost always forced to talk to you! Now, don't get me wrong, Mason and I by no means talk for 20 minutes straight to and from school each day. But, we are having more conversations overall since we started driving around together.

Today we were laughing about all the ridiculous incidents the news was reporting concerning the release of the new PS3. I mean, come on people, shootings and fist fights over a gaming system!! Get a life!! The conversation then turned to the many gaming systems Mason has owned in his life. He actually saved up his own money for months to buy his first Nintendo back when he was 10!!

That triggered a memory for me of him in his room at about the age of 4 with money (mostly coins) in a loooooong line from the toy box to the door. At least twice a week he would spread his money out this way with the BIG money (AKA $1 bills) on one end and progressing down to the pennies. Then he would meticulously count the money all by himself. It was the cutest thing ever.... and may I say that his Math skills were VERY advanced for a 4 year old! When I mentioned this to him, he remembered that he was saving up to buy a Darth Vader toy.

It was a nice drive home today.

bad day/ good day....

Well, my day started out pretty badly.... not enough time to blow dry my hair all the way.... always ends up looking FUZZY! Kyla was freaking out about not knowing how to finish her math homework.... had to spend 15 minutes explaining Lowest Common Denominator before breakfast..... grab everything and start to run out the door.... don't have lunch, realize I forgot to pack lunch.... grab dull pasta with nothing on it and race out.... get into the car (already 5 minutes late) and don't have enough gas to get to work.... get to small gas station closest to my house and both pumps are already in use.... wait (parked back a little bit) for person to leave so I can pull up to pump and another guy comes cruising in and steals my spot.... get stuck behind a large truck on 2 lane road on the way to work... arrive at work promptly at 8:10.... have numerous children and parents waiting for me. UGH!!

Right before recess, one of the other teachers calls me and says the reading program I've been dying to use has arrived..... I walk to the teacher's room and realize it's GOODIE DAY (this means other people have made a yummy lunch with lots of desserts for all to share) AAAAHHHH!! My day is better!

I'm pretty easy to please!

Good Story

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every! day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

A new baby in the family

Monday was the big day! Liz’s water broke at 2:50am, and after a 15-hour labor adventure, Liz gave birth to a 8lb-5oz, 19-3/4” baby boy at 6:08pm – Charles Nicholas Bergenske. He is just adorable and both he and his mother are recovering well.


We are so excited about our newest Bergenske!!

Congratulations to the happy (sleep deprived) parents!