Fullness Found

What a wonderful vacation I had!! Each day I would sleep and sleep until I couldn't sleep another minute then I'd get up and have day after day of freedom.... no schedules... no obligations.... no commitments..... simply a day of possibilities. I got to choose what to do..... if I felt like being a vegetable, I could..... if I wanted to scrapbook or organize or chat or read or be alone, I could. Each day was a gift I was able to give to myself.

By last Friday, I was beginning to feel the pressure of work looming ahead of me. I could feel my world shrinking.... my freedom rushing away..... my possibilities diminishing. I started to feel stress. I got a headache. Lists of things to finish before Monday started clicking through my head.

But instead of getting down to business and taking care of those lists, I became more and more vegetative. I got grouchy. I began to move more slowly. I tried to hoard my remaining moments of freedom.... just laying down..... watching TV..... slothlike. Any interruption by my family became unwelcome..... I just wanted to shrink up.... shrivel..... waste away in grief over my lost time.

Then, last night, I heard these words.... Please come back soon, life is so much smaller without you here.

It was then that I began to realize that even though it was necessary for me to grieve over my lost freedom, I was gaining so much more. It is such a priveledge to be able to spend my days in the presence of a group of 22 sweet souls who come to school excited about the day's possibilities.... who are full of love and kindness.... who are eager to learn.... who are not yet so afraid of making mistakes that they are paralyzed. Their enthusiasm can be emotionally draining on occasion, but more often it fills me up.

Today as we were going around the circle telling "one thing we did on vacation" a little girl said she got a new puppy. They were not expecting it for 2 weeks, but they heard a knock on the door, and when they opened it, there was they puppy sitting all alone on the step. "Do you think the puppy knocked?" I asked. And the room erupted into giggles.... just the idea of a tiny puppy knocking on the door was enough to fill them up.... It's that appreciation for the everyday moments and simple pleasures that I am working on appreciating. And even beyond that, I need to express my appreciation... to my class, to my husband, to my son and daughter, to my friends and family, to my coworkers.

The fullness does not come by keeping the everyday pleasures to myself but by sharing them.

Fullness Found