Life is so complicated sometimes. For so many days and weeks and months we have been waiting for our house to sell. We have been kind of on hold... like we are not living our life like we should until the house sells... like we can't be happy until the house sells... like nothing is ever sweet enough or completely fulfilling until the house sells.
Well, now the house has sold, and I have fallen into a deep dark hole of depression. For about 4 weeks now, off and on, I have been sleeping poorly, eating unhealth-ily, exercising irregularly, and feeling horrible. I dream about which drawer or cupboard the pots and pans should go in. I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about getting recycling containers. I carry pictures around the house for hours wondering where I should hang them. I feel frantic and frenetic for 18 hours of most every day.
I know part of this is due to hormones (I have been seeing a doctor to help with issues dealing with peri-menopause), but also I think I have just been under this enormous weight of pressure for so long, that I am going through a period of decompression. I am shedding the weight of all of that expectation and waiting and disappointment mostly through tears (I can feel them building up in the back of my throat even now), but I am also yelling at my kids too much and snapping at my husband too much. It is getting better little by little. Soon I hope to be back to normal. I am wishing you will keep checking in here, and not write me off as hopeless.
I will be back, I promise.
Love, Nancy
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