Contentment

is settling in to me again. The last few weeks I have been suffering from malcontent. Just a sense of my life being out of kilter.... feeling flat..... sloth like.

This week that feeling has been floating away. I feel more free.... less overwhelmed... more hopeful.....

This cycle of emotion is one I am bothered by. I wonder if the way I feel is "normal". Is it depression? Is it hormonal? Is it just LIFE?

Sometimes I feel such a dichotomy inside myself....

I want to whine and snap and complain, yet still be considered "nice"
I want to cry and lean, yet still be considered "strong"
I want to be alone and isolated, yet not feel "lonely"

Luckily, (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) this snappy, crying, isolated ME only comes around at home. Mason says I have a split personality... I seem like a completely different person at work vs. home.

I try to be the best ME I can be all the time, but sometimes there's just not enough oxygen, not enough energy.

And then I wonder who the real ME really is.... If I were a character in "Shallow Hal" would I be seen by Hal as a gorgeous, thin beauty or a wrinkled up old witch?

Then I remind myself that I have been created with the potential for good or bad inside myself and I need to rejoice and strengthen the good and accept and work through the bad. I am a work in progress, and I am LOVED just the way I am.