Thankful Thursdays

(A day late)

I am so thankful that Colton Price has joined us! He was born Thursday, August 26 at 11:47 a.m., and weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds 7 ounces. I can't wait to meet him!!

Hello!!

So sorry I have been absent from my blogging duties, but I actually have a good reason this time. First, I was in Cabo relaxing and enjoying my carefree summer. Then, I came home and had 3 job interviews, an appointment and a seminar at the Employment Development Department in 4 days time. I am happy to say I turned down the first job, was chosen at the 2nd and got to cancel the 3rd! (Unfortunately I did have to attend the boring job seminar) But I only had 4 days to prepare and begin teaching. So, I have now completed my 3rd day as a 4-5 grade teacher and things are going well. Every day I feel a little better, a little more sure of what to do and how to do it. I will try to get back here and keep you up to date. It's going to be a wonderful year!
Love, Nancy

Thankful Thursdays

As an adult child of 2 alcoholics (and a first born to boot) I am a dyed in the wool people pleaser. I have always been good at being what the people around me needed me to be. I usually hold my tongue when people say things that appall me. I have been reluctant to trust people enough to let them see the "real" me. But now that I am 42 (today... I am 42!), I am finally able to embrace the flawed, unfinished, limited being that is me. God created me. He shaped my body, my mind, my sense of humor. He did it with love. He did it with purpose. He does not care if I always say the right thing or attain the next goal. I am finally aware of the fact that my real life is actually in this (in every!)very real, imperfect, beautiful moment. There is no point of focusing on that next glittering goal, because first of all, there aren’t any more to aim for, and second of all, that takes my attention away from the true riches, which are right in front of me. And it is in this dwelling, this quiet, this actually opening to the notion that life’s real meaning is right here, that I’ve finally realized that just by being me I am enough. And for that I am forever thankful.

Thankful Thursdays

So I decided to start a new routine of posting things I am thankful for once a week... and what better day for that than Thursdays. (I had to go for the alliteration.) So here are some things from this week:

1. I am thankful for the opportunity to interview for a job and the hope of teaching in my own classroom for the 2010-2011 school year.

2. I am thankful for this puppy who loves me unconditionally and cuddles with me and seeks me out and always wags his tail and looks adoringly at me.


3. I am thankful that the girl wanted money and did all the vacuuming and dusting and bathroom cleaning this week so I didn't have to.

4. I am thankful that the boy now has a job and even though he comes home really tired and sore from all the work seems more focused and happy than before.

5. I am thankful that I have a husband who takes such good care of me and our children. This week he was commited to finding a reasonable car for the boy to buy, and he spent many hours on the internet looking and bidding until yesterday he finally succeeded. (More to come on that later...)

6. I am thankful for my new camera... which I haven't been using as much as I thought I would, but I love nonetheless.

7. I am thankful for our county library where I get numerous books at absolutely no cost. I had to stop reading Vanity Fair on page 452 (about half way) to read Eat, Pray, Love which I only had 6 days to read since there is a long list of people waiting for it after me.

8. I am thankful that I finally took the time to put some family snapshots in this photo holder that has been present in 4 different living rooms in 4 different houses in the last 6 years... just empty. Now it has a few pictures in it. Hopefully more to come soon.

So here goes....

Wish for your deepest desires, she said & when I asked if they'd come true, she said they always do, so you might as well get them out in the open while you're still young enough to correct any serious mistakes. -Brian Andreas

Wednesday at 1:20 I have a interview for a 1st grade teaching job. So there it is... my deepest desire right out in the open.

Almost here....

Well, my camera has left Seacaucus NJ and is now in Vernon CA.... I can't wait to meet it!

Waiting

So here's a picture of my new beloved camera. It is somewhere in transport on its way to me... although I can't track it yet via the internet, so it can't be too close. I am such an impatient person when it comes to waiting for things I want. I don't want to wait 7-10 business days for my camera to come. I want to hold it in my hands today. I want to take pictures of my breakfast and my crazy dog and my kids. I want to read the manual and figure out how to do things I couldn't do with my old camera. I want to take pictures and post them here 30 seconds later. I also don't want to wait for someone to call me and offer me an interview or a job... I want to unpack my supplies in a new classroom today and start dreaming about my new students and my new classroom set up and my new curriculum. I am impatient. I am tired of waiting.

Today

1. I got up later than I wanted to. (9:09 instead of 8:00)
2. I got suckered into watching "Make room for Multiples"
3. I didn't have time for a "real" workout, so I only walked the dog... although I did go up the BIG hill
4. I had to drop off Kyla at a friend's which made me even later...

BUT...

5. I picked up Madi and Livi at 11:40
6. We went to McDonald's for lunch
7. They played in the Playplace
8. We ate our burgers and fries (McDonald's has the best fries)
9. They played in the Playplace some more
10. They got fudge sundaes
11. We drove to the library
12. They each got their own library card
13. They picked out 2 books each (both wanted these fairy stories)
14. They checked out their own books
15. We went to the Summer Reading activities
16. Livi got picked to put letters on the Chicka Chicka Boom Boom tree
17. Madi got to be a "wild thing"
18. They made art (lots of art)
19. We went back to the children's room and did a couple of puzzles
20. They played outside on the boat thingy
21. We went home at 3:00

It was a great day....
Notes to self for next time: bring camera and a book to keep myself busy

Available

I am always available for babysitting. Last night I got to hang out with this handsome 3 year old. Check out those muscles!! We read lots of books. He is becoming one of those boys who LOVES nonfiction. He had this dinosaur book with oodles of text (which I very aptly paraphrased) and a field guide type of book about reptiles and amphibians. He wanted to read every page. I tried to convince him to choose his favorites, but he said, "My mommy reads every page." So I did my best. In the middle of the text he would interrupt me and say, "Is it a mean snake?" That was his main concern. I kept trying to figure out what "mean" meant. Does it mean poisonous? Does it mean carnivorous? He just wanted to know if it was mean. I am glad I have all this extra time and energy to spend with my nieces and nephews. What blessings.

Group Therapy

The day after we went to Yosemite, Mark went golfing and these 2 girls came and picked me up to go wine tasting in Murphys. It was a great day. We caught up on old news and new news. We laughed and talked and drank wine and laughed some more. We had lunch then were back at it... Closing down the wineries. After that we went to the condo and sat on the deck. When Mark came home we were still chatting. When Mark wanted me to leave and go with him to drive the girls to the movies we were not finished chatting. So he had to go alone and we went and had a very late dinner with martinis and more laughing. We closed down the restaurant. It was a great day. It was the kind of day that fills my heart up with hope. I stored the memory of this day away to savor when I am sad about my career, when I am lonely and have no one to talk to, when I am stressed about stupid stuff. I am so thankful for these kinds of days and for these 2 girls.

Yosemite

We had such a beautiful time at Yosemite on our little vacation. The weather was gorgeous. The sights were spectacular. The company was pleasant. I just loved it. It would be wonderful to have the time/resources to spend days there just savoring and exploring the goodness. We saw a deer super close up and birds and squirrels galore.

On our way into the park we stopped at a Vista Point where a fire had obviously been through at some past time. The girls posed for a shot for me anyway.

Not too far down the road we stopped at another little viewpoint with a pretty little waterfall by a bridge.

The girls can always use some time outside the car to check their text messages.

Once we were in the valley. We parked and wandered around until we found somewhere to eat. We had burgers and fries. I went over to the store and waited in an extremely long line to buy bug repellent and bottles of water for the hiking ahead. The girls loved the squirrels and birds and kept sneaking food to them until I pointed out the $5000 fine for feeding the animals signs. Then we were off to Yosemite Falls.

It was roaring and lovely from our long winter.
I convinced the girls to stand in the spray for a picture... despite the hair-related consequnces that we would all suffer from.
>
We walked out by a different path and enjoyed this view.
Then after much confusion, we found a bus and hopped on to go and hike to the footbridge at Vernal Falls.

This is the view of Vernal Falls from the footbridge. We were planning on only going this far then retreating to do the short hike to Mirror Lake, but Mark is always up for a challenge and insisted that we climb to the top of the falls.

We stopped about half way up the climb from the footbridge to the top of Vernal Falls and I asked some unsuspecting hikers to please take our picture. You can see they obliged me.
Before long, we were hiking up stone steps that were taller than my shins. It was 'strenuous' as the brochure promised. But, I took a second and looked up, and the scene just took my breath away. It was truly spectacular.Not long after this, we got to the most difficult part. The spray from the falls was pelting us like an ice cold shower, the rock was wet and slippery, and the climb was steeper than ever. Neither of the girls complained too much about her sopping wet hair, but they were both displeased by soggy shoes and socks. We rested for a while and munched on some fruit before descending.

After hiking to the top of the falls, we decided Mirror Lake would have to wait until our next trip. So we hopped back on the bus and made our way back to the car. As we were driving out of the valley we were treated to the warmest evening light shining on the sheer granite cliffs.

I just adore lupine. I had to get a close up of this gorgeous creation as our parting shot. I would love to go back again.

A graduate

I am proud of this boy for many reasons. He graduated high school. He is planning to go to college in the fall. He has a beautiful, sweet girlfriend and he appreciates her. He is kind. He always makes me laugh with his great sense of humor. He takes good care of the dog when we are out of town. He is responsible and doesn't party or get into trouble. He hangs out with lots of different kinds of people and gets along with them all. He cares about his family... especially his grandparents. He knows himself well. He is articulate. He thinks about things... I mean, really, thinks about them. He is a really good kid. I am proud of this boy.

My options...

So, now what? What to do with my days, my evenings, my brain that keeps going back to planning the lessons, the curriculum, the fun... then suddenly stops, aghast at the idea that there will be no more lessons or curriculum or classroom fun. So what are my options?
1. Get a REAL camera and try to start a photography business
2. Substitute
3. Become a foster parent
4. Clean my house a lot
5. Volunteer
6. Start my own little private school for 4-5 year olds here in my house
7. Play Bejeweled Blitz professionally
8. Scrapbook and submit my pages
9. Get a different job
10. Adopt a child
11. Cook and bake and entertain
12. Read more books
13. Write a book
14. Plant flowers and actually take care of them
15. Move away

What do you think? Love, Nancy

Random Gratitude

I'd like to tell you all about how I cried most of the way to work today to continue packing up my room, but since I am working on my attitude, I will think of some things I am grateful for instead.
1. Taco Salad for dinner
2. A car with seats that fold down so I can fit LOADS of stuff into it
3. Chatting and laughing with Cindyanna on the phone
4. Bejeweled Blitz
5. That the dishes are already done
6. Talking to my girl on the phone for a while... She has been out of town for 6 days now and I miss her
7. A supportive husband
8. Cozy slippers
9. a small flicker of excitement about our upcoming trip to Tuolumne County
10. No alarm clock

What are you grateful for? Love, Nancy

90% attitude

So I didn't get the job I had been not so patiently waiting to hear about. And I spent a good amount of time wallowing in self pity. Then, at Mason's graduation the Superintendent gave a little speech and she talked about the quote (which I have heard before, but obviously needed to hear again) that says something like... Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% your attitude and how you deal with it. So I started thinking and praying about what kind of a life I would want to have if I wasn't a teacher. I certainly haven't figured anything out yet, but I am considering a few things and trying to keep my options open and my attitude positive. Even though one door has closed, I am trying to find the right open window to crawl into a new and different life.

I can't believe it!

I still haven't heard about that job. I am totally freaking out. The closer the end of the year gets without me having a job lined up the more REAL the idea of not being able to be a teacher gets. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I've been a teacher for 12 years now.... 15 if you count my years teaching preschool (and if you've ever taught preschool, you know it is a TOUGH job). I just can't imagine my life without a classroom. I just can't.

4 more days

Well, only four more days of school. People repeatedly ask me about my summer plans, and I've got nothing. I mean, we are going on a couple of trips, but I am not even excited. I want to be, but nothing.
I just finished reading The Other Queen by Phillipa Gregory. It's about Mary, Queen of Scotts. Makes me want to go back and read more about Elizabeth and her riegn. Get the other side of the story again.
I had my 2nd job interview at St. Mary's on Friday. Spent most of the weekend going over and over and over all the things I wish I'd said, done, included in my lesson plan, etc. The only thing I haven't 2nd guessed is my outfit, but who know, maybe it was completely inappropriate, too.
I worked on my report cards today. Got them mostly done, just have to add some details about attendance and writing and counting.
I am off to finish up my memory books tonight. Just adding a few missing pieces from kids who were absent and doing the finishing touches on the covers.
I am worried about being able to scrapbook 40 pages by Thursday for Mason's graduation. I just haven't had the scrapbooking mojo lately. I guess I'm just gonna have to buckle down tomorrow and force it!
Wish me luck!!

Random Details

1. In 14 days and 2 hours this boy (my sweet, charming baby boy) will graduate from high school.
2. Today I packed up the first box of "stuff" from my classroom and was close to tears for about a half hour.
3. I am already working on the May pages in my classroom memory books... which is a miracle. Usually at this time of year I am working on February and panicking.
4. I haven't exercised all week... And it shows in my ability to cope with my life.
5. I still haven't been able to wrap my brain around the idea that there are only 9 days of school left. There is still so much to teach... so many ideas to share... so much fun to have together.
6. This dreary, drizzly June weather we've been having hasn't helped my attitude either.
7. Yesterday we had a picnic at the park and I got rained on several times and walked around with an afro the rest of the day.
8. We've refinanced our house again to help prepare financially for me to be out of work.
9. Mark has decided to watch Friday Night Lights on Netflix and I am super excited to have a show to share with him again.
10. I have a case (yes that's 24!) of Mike's Hard Lemonade in the laundry room... that's gotta cheer me up!

Time stands still

Even though it is almost June, I am still stuck back in March. I have not progressed much since the day I was handed (and had to sign) the paper that said I would not have a classroom of children to teach next year. For all these weeks I have gone through the motions. I wake up. I eat. I shower. I go to work and laugh and talk and work as hard as I can to make each day a learning experience for the 19 souls I am with from 8:00 to 2:15. I clean up and get things ready for the next day. I come home and make dinner. I do dishes. I try to relate to and encourage my family at home. Although, if I must confess, I think this is where I fall the flatest. I work out. I go on the internet. I watch TV. I read a little from the book I have out from the library. Then I go to sleep. But my heart just isn't in most of it. As often as I pray, I just can't find peace. I can't feel joy. I feel like I am in limbo... dreaded limbo again. I am often on the edge of tears. I am eager to lose myself in someone else's life. I am not as patient. I am not as giving. I can feel myself closing up with this pain of being told I can't be a teacher anymore. I am curling inward a little more each day.... unwilling to trust... afraid of taking a risk... Fearing the future.

Baby sitter

So yesterday was my second time babysitting my great niece, Sophia. She is a super easy baby and rarely cries. So I just spend the whole time holding her and talking to her and walking around doing little things around the house. Yesterday I took her on my Saturday errands with me, and it went really well, only I got a sore bicep on the right from carrying her around for 2 hours straight!

The first time I watched her we had a couple of little photo shoots. Isn't she just adorable!!

Happy Sunday! Love, Nancy