Yikes!

I knew I had been neglecting my blog life, but wow, I didn't realized it had been WEEKS! Do I have an excuse? Not really. Unless you count menstruating for 16 days straight and counting. So sorry if that is TMI for most of you, but it's all I've got going on. Am wondering what my gyno will say to this info. The original appointment didn't really resolve any of my issues.

I have been glued to the TV lately, LOST for 4 hours every Monday night on Sci Fi. It's the first seasons episodes which I haven't seen yet, and I am reveling in every single detail. The Biggest Loser on Tuesday... hate that obnoxious brown team! Project Runway on Wednesdays... getting down to the last few. I like Leanne. That does not bode well for her, as my fashion tastes do not usually mesh with those snooty judges. Thursdays are, Of course, Grey's Anatomy (which I thought was really blah and boring last week) and ER (which was great, and I had to watch it on the computer later, cause I missed it for a so so episode of Grey's... won't make that mistake again!)

Mark and I are still into working out. I am averaging 5-6 days per week even with school in session. That is pretty good for me. We walk together 3 or so days per week... with our naughty little Pepper in tow. It is good for our marriage. It gives us time together without distractions (except trying to keep Pepper from attacking a German Shepherd and being eaten in one gulp), we talk about everything that's going on. I must say I am more up to date on financial news and politics than I have ever been in my life! It also gives us time to come up with strategies for dealing with those 2 teenagers that live in our house. I'm telling you, if you try to deal with them spur of the moment, you are toast. They are ruthless, so we have our planning sessions while we walk. And, we work out our disagreements... so then we can present a united front. This is also very important... divide and conquer is a teenager's best technique!

Anyway, nothing of excitement around here. Just living life day to day. Trying to appreciate the beauty and embrace the absurd... or at least laugh at it.

Never Forget

After 7 years it seems some have forgotten. Certainly the feelings of this day are not as raw as they were. I just wanted to put a little tribute out there. To let people know I haven't forgotten. I chose this video primarily because of the song. These are the perfect words.

What a Kicker!!

One of the hardest things for me about living 400 miles away from my family for 10 years was special events. You know, when your kids have their Christmas program or football game or first communion. And their you sit, just you and your husband (or maybe just you if your husband works over 70 hours most weeks, which is what mine did). There's no extended family. No one cheering with you.
So, when my sister told me my niece Madi had her first soccer game on Saturday, I was happy to rearrange my schedule to be there.
And, boy, was it a game! Madi scored 3 goals and was right in there on every play. She is just a natural athlete and had fun to boot!
I am so glad I was there to capture this picture, and the memory in my heart to go with it. It is truly priceless.

For my Girl

Some things I want to remember about you right now...

1. How you occasionally still call me "Mommy"
2. How you are good at confessing things to try to eliminate or reduce the magnitude of problems.
3. How you get completely angry whenever we say you cannot do something you really want to do.
4. That you made 2 necklaces to wear. One with five simple beads and one with the caps off of energy drinks.
5. That you and I keep stealing the hairspray from each other and really need separate cans.
6. That you like Pikachu and have a pikachu toy you sleep with.
7. How you are waiting so patiently for your braces.
8. That you listen to screamer metal at the computer while you are working or on My Space.
9. How you don't really pay much attention to Pepper, but worry about him if you think he's in danger.
10. That when I look into your eyes I see beauty and caring and intelligence and (usually) a little bit of annoyance.

Berry cobbler

Just thought I'd make a list of things going WELL lately:

1. We spent a wonderful Sunday at my paren't BBQing. I ate a huge steak and drank a whole bottle of wine. We walked through the berry briars (there's a path) to this gigantic old walnut tree. I have so many wonderful memories of that walnut tree. I was dying because I forgot my camera.

2. I did not have a hangover Monday.

3. I have been exercising regularly even though school is back in session.

4. K had her first day of school today. Thank goodness, she finally has something productive to do!

5. I bought myself a cute outfit yesterday with my birthday money. It's some tan woven material bermuda shorts with a cuff and a dark brown camisole with a printed dark brown top.

6. Most of my class is really getting the hang of the Kindergarten "routine". We are starting to have fun!

7. I made a blackberry cobbler with the berries we picked on Sunday. Yum!

8. I have a really good feeling that our house is going to sell soon.... hope it's not bad luck to post that!! Let's hope I'm not just getting my hopes up again!

Bye for now!

Why I'd Marry Him All Over Again

1. Because after 20 years I still get goosebumps when he breathes on the back of my neck.
2. Because of all the times we've stayed up half the night talking and laughing and sharing our stories and dreams.
3. Because he's taken me on so many wonderful adventures.
4. Because he taught me what it means to be a hard worker.
5. Because he loves me just as I am,but challenges me to be the best me I can be.
6. Because he really listens to what I have to say (if football is not on the TV)
7. Because when I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat, all the stresses and sorrows of my day just melt away.
8. Because he loves our children more than words can say.
9. Because on the second day I knew him, he said he was like a rock and would never change. And, even though he has grown and changed over the years, he's always been my rock. Steady and reliable.
10. Because this morning he pulled me close and said, "I love you more now than I did the day I married you."

Happy Anniversary, Mark. I love you too.

We're off and running...

Today was the first day of school, and I am noticably less tired than I usually am after the first day of Kindergarten. My class was amazingly well behaved until lunch then pretty normal (meaning a few blips) during the last hour. I came home and have been working on school stuff for a few hours so now it's time to have a little me time. I keep thinking I should do some working out, but I think I'll read my book for awhile and fall asleep with my face on it.

In the Land of Kindergarten

Collaboration among teachers is a big deal to me, so I have started a new blog about Kindergarten in the hopes of reaching some teachers out there who (like me) are voracious in the desire to gain as many ways as possible to make their classrooms the best they can be. I don't think I am "the expert", but I think I have some good ideas, and I'd like to share them and maybe meet some other teachers who can reciprocate. So, go on over and check it out!

Love, Nancy

Math

Today I went to a workshop with the renowned Kim Sutton, and I learned some new math!!!! It was so much fun! We learned about digital roots of numbers. At first it just seems like something kind of fun and why does it really matter, and the WALL-AH, you can do all this amazing stuff with it! By the time I got home I was bursting to show Mark all about it. I am so glad he is weird like me and loves to learn new things and talk about them!

On a different note, K went to the salon yesterday and after $148 and 5 hours of "coloring" looks pretty darn good. I will try to get a picture of her soon.

Bad Hair

So, for a few months Kyla has been really wanting to dye her hair light, light, light blonde. I have been skeptical, but told her it was her hair and if she bought the dye (or paid for the appointment) then I didn't have a problem with it. She didn't have any money, however, because she owed us for overusing her cell phone minutes and charging lunches at school. So, Thursday she finally earned enough money to pay off her debt, then yesterday she did a bunch of chores to go and buy her hair dye. She wanted me to do it. I carefully read the direction over several times then we cut a little piece off the back of her hair to do the strand test. I swear, I followed those directions exactly. We did everything just as it said. I was a little worried that we didn't get quite enough dye on the last part.... the roots. But, as it was lightening up, it looked pretty good. I was blissfully watching "Rock the Reception" when I heard Kyla yell.... "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" So I ran back to the bathroom. She was completely freaked out. The roots had turned the super light blonde she wanted about and inch out from her scalp, but then there was a dark brownish line where I didn't get enough dye (we ran out... she has super thick hair)... Then the rest was light, but more of an orange-y blonde. What a disaster! So today I called around and got her an appointment with a color specialist on Monday morning. The cost will be $50-$100. This will come out of her school clothes money. Poor pumpkin, I hope she learns some kind of lesson out of all of this. Probably it will be that I am stingy and unfair for not giving her more school clothes money...

P.S. I would love to post a picture to show you all the results, but I doubt if I'd be allowed to take one.

Weekend with the Girls

So, for our joint birthdays, my sweet friends Michelle, Gina and Danette and I all went on a girls trip... our first ever girls trip since high school, I think. I was a little worried we would be dull. You see, of the four of us I am the only one who really ever whoops it up, if you know what I mean. But we rented a limo, with a somewhat nice, somewhat grumpy driver, Paula, and we went wine tasting. Here we are at the second winery..... looking good. We were having fun and giggling and pretty mellow.

Here are Gina and Danette and Michelle at the fourth winery. You can see, things have picked up. We are having a blast.

And finally, here is me in the limo....

Just so you know, this photo was staged. Mark may never believe me, but I swear, it's true.

Welcome Back!

Well, I am back after a busy weekend of fun and visiting and a little too much drinking! I didn't want to post without a fun picture of us in the limo or in front of a winery, but I just haven't managed to get that blasted film developed yet.
Today I spent about 4 hours at work, and it felt good to get things back in place. I have a class list of 22 eager learners and a shiny waxed linoleum floor. All I need now is a clean white lesson plan book to write in... too bad the teacher store in town shut down! Tomorrow that is my goal... to locate and purchase the book that I want! Hopefully in person and not online, because I just can't bear to wait.
In sad news, I found out today a colleague of mine from my previous school has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It is just too shocking to comprehend. He is such a vibrant and ALIVE person. He hopefully has 5-10 years. My heart is aching for him and his family and my old staff. Just aching.

It's over.... O... V... E... R

Today on a rerun of What Not To Wear, a friend of the frumpily dressed contestant said, "She looks like a 40 year old school teacher." Now, for me, those words were like a shot through the heart. You see, for less than 24 hours I have BEEN a 40 year old school teacher. Do I wear black polyester skirts down to my ankles? NO. Do I avoid heels? NO. Do I wear formless, shapeless clothes to hide inside like a tent? NO. So, that remark is clearly below the belt.
I do, however, have issues, as you can see from the photo above, taken the day before my decline into the 40's. I need to dye my hair. I need to quit eating pasta and get rid of my muffin top. I need to lean in close and embrace my 2 teenaged children, no matter how hard it is.
We had a great day at the newly named Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo... roller coasters were ridden, wild animals were perused (including 2 gorgeously majestic tigers), hundreds of dollars was spent on amusement park food and beverages, and several fun shows were watched. We did leave at 6:30, though, a full hour and half before the park closed. This is completely out of character for me as I usually arrive at opening and leave at closing and don't slow down for a minute in between. You can even ask my children who've been dragged across Disneyland nearly comatose through crowds of people flocking to the light parade or my nephew who fell asleep on the floor of the Haunted House when we were in line! I did feel especially exhausted when we left, though. Maybe my age is getting to me.

Celebrate

this is a magical beast
that holds the secret of
light and shadow in a
safe place in her heart
and when it has been too
long grey, she starts to
dance and laugh and cry and sing
and the sunlight fills her up
and spills in wild abadon
back into the world again

-Brian Andreas

Countdown

1. Only 3 more weeks of vacation before school starts
2. Only 2 more days before we go on our little family vacation to celebrate my birthday
3. Only 7 more days before my 3 closest high school friends and I all celebrate our birthdays
4. Only 5 more days before I am 40 (as in YEARS OLD!)
5. Only 27 more days until I have been married to my dearest for 20 years (where did the time go?)

On a separate note, I actually scrapped today. I finished the 10 layouts for my "10 things" book (see below). I really love the pages and want to get a nice picture of my with the kids on our upcoming vacation to go on the cover. I love the book, but so far it has been pretty pricey... $60 class fee.... $60 in gas to get there.... $6 for lunch... $166 for speeding ticket en route (cost of traffic school still not determined) It's a good thing I love my book!

10 Things I want you to remember

So on Saturday morning I got up at 5 a.m. (a full 4-5 hours before my regular summer wake up time) and drove a little over 3 hours to Grants Pass OR to a scrapbooking class with Karen Russell. She is one of my scrapping idols. I had plans to chat with her about this and that and be charming and have a great time... then when I got there, I completely clammed up. I swear, I probably only uttered 7 monosyllabic responses during 4 hours of class. It was so disappointing. Don't get me wrong, the class was great. Karen was great. She was honest and real and we laughed and even cried while she was explaining her album to us. I am really glad that I went. I just hate it when I am overcome with my old shyness from childhood... when I become an observer instead of a participant in life. I wonder if this is something I will ever get over. I made 3 pages for my own album entitled "10 things I want you to remember". It is for my kids and has 10 life lessons paired with photos of them from throughout their life. This page with Kyla is my favorite so far.
So what is a life lesson you want to pass on to someone you love?

Good Reads

Since before my memory begins, I have been a huge fan of reading. I started reading chapter books when I was in the first grade... I read the book Heidi 13 times before I was 13 years old.... I used to cry on Saturdays if I slept in and missed the bookmobile that traveled to my sad little rural town (pop. 35ish) I found this list on a group at goodreads.com and it's a new "100 books you should read" list. Of all the lists I've every encountered, this is one I feel I've actually made a dent in!!

Check it out: (items with * I have read)
*1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
*2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
*3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
*4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
*5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (some of it)
*7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
*10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
*12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
*16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
*18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
*21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
*30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
*33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
*34. Emma - Jane Austen
*35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
*36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
*37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
*39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie-the-Pooh - AA Milne (some of it)
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
*42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
*46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
*48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
*49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
*51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
*54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
*59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
*60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
*61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
*62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
*64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
*68. Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby-Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
*73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
*76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - A. S. Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
*85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
*87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
*88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
*91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
*99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So that's 36 out of 100 and a couple I read part of.... hmmm.... guess I have some books to add to my to-read list!

Change

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfullfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck

This is my life this summer. Uncomfortable. Unhappy. Unfullfilled. It is an emptiness from deep inside myself that no else can fill. I have to find the source of the aching. I have to comfort myself. I have to find what makes me happy. I have to achieve fulfillment. I know, deep down, where to find this comfort, happiness, and fullness. I know. It is my spirituality that is unnurtured. It is the truth of love, the gift of Jesus. For the last two years I have allowed my life to be defined by finances.... by our lack of (permanent) home. I need to find a supportive community... a place of peace and kindness. A place that I can go to become refreshed. A place where ideas are freely shared and discussed.

The picture above was taken not long after we moved to Sonora (about 10 years ago). It was taken during a time when my discomfort was so severe I spent part of each day weeping for what I had left behind... weeping from fear of the future... weeping because I had lost my family, my sense of self. It was during those 10 years that I really grew up. I became the me I am today. I felt truly alive and happy and secure in myself. Who would have guessed that coming back to the beginning... to the place I had so unwillingly left.... that this act of coming home would once again cause me so much heartache? I must rediscover myself. I must be reborn.

10 Reasons

Yesterday as I was lurking around in blogland, I saw on Karen Russell's blog a class she is teaching in Grant's Pass this Saturday, so I promptly called the store (at 9:00 at night) and emailed them too, and this morning I got a call and I GET TO GO TO THE CLASS!! I am really excited. I am excited to be thinking about scrapbooking. I am excited to be going on an adventure. I am excited to be meeting Karen Russell (who is one of my very favorite scrapbookers!)
The class is called "10 Reasons" so I need to make a list of 10 reasons... hmmmm. Her suggestions are: 10 things that make you happy. 10 of your best memories. 10 goals you have. 10 lessons you want to pass along to your kids. 10 reasons you're glad you married him. 10 things that have made you who you are today. Karen's sample is "10 reasons I want to make some changes in my life". One of the catches is you have to have 10 really good pictures to go with your 10 reasons... pictures that look good printed on 8x12. I must get busy making lists and searching through my photo boxes.

I am actually giddy with excitement!! Love, Nancy

This Ordinary Day

On this ordinary day it is so damp here that the cement and grass are wet. It's not rain or drizzle...just wet air... fog.... yuck.
On this ordinary day I can't stop thinking about why no one will buy our house in Sonora and if we should just give up and move back there. But, really, how could we?
On this ordinary day I checked my email really early and no one has responded to my invite to my birthday and I am starting to feel sorry for my sad 40 year old self.
On this ordinary day I am going to do an hour of Tae Bo and go for an afternoon walk with my sister. Hopefully this will cheer me up.
On this ordinary day I will look at the clutter and disorganization of this house I am trying so hard not to hate and probably do nothing about it.
On this ordinary day I could really use a hug... or a phone call... or a glass of wine with a friend.