Good to be Back

It was such a nice feeling to be back at work. I enjoyed seeing my colleagues. I really enjoyed being busy. I really, really enjoyed hanging out with my students. I changed the schedule around again, so instead of cleaning up at the morning bell and jumping right into work, we played until 8:50 or so. It was such a relaxing way to start the day. After that, we came together and had "circle time". I got to hear all about who stayed the night with who and who got a "Intendo DS" for Christmas. We read a story about snow, then they went to music. After music we had snack and recess. Thankfully, the rain stopped and they were able to slush around out in the chips instead of being cooped up inside. After that we read about penguins, used our bodies as globes to compare Arctic and Antarctic wildlife, then painted giant penguins on 12x18 inch paper. After lunch we learned 2 new letters, did our calendar and math, had P.E. and read a story. Then, (here was the real reason for the schedule change) we did our writing. We had 30 uninterupted minutes to do 2 writing activities. It was fabulous. Only Joaquin said, "We didn't get to play." after I announced it was time to go home.... you see, playing used to happen at the end of the day, not the beginning. I wonder if he will get it tomorrow?
I am off to watch the new "Bachelor"... I always preferred Jason, so I am glad they're giving him another chance. I'll be cutting out 20 giant penguins while I watch.

A post on The Shipping News (and love)

So last night I went to bed around 7:30, got super cozy and warm and finished reading The Shipping News. This book has been on my list of books to read for quite a while, so I was really looking forward to it. It is about an odd guy named Quoyle who is fairly unsuccessful in life. He never really finds a job he's good at. His one friend moves to California. And the woman he chooses as a wife treats him horribly and constantly cheats on him. Then, on a fateful day, the wife, Petal, steals their 2 daughters, sells them to a pervert and is killed in a car crash. The girls are brought back unharmed thank goodness, and Quoyle moves to Newfoundland, place of his ancestors, with an Aunt he has just met. While in Newfoundland Quoyle meets and interacts with many suprising and odd people. He becomes pretty good at his job. He makes a few friends. He does several things which people think are stupid (which does not surprise him). And he does several things for which people congratulate him (this really surprises him). Throughout the book he comes into an acceptance of himself as those around him accept him. He also learns that love doesn't always have to a red hot fire full of pain, but can also be (and in my opinion truly is) a place of warmth, safety and comfort, free from pain. I think this is a book that will stay with me for a while... as I continue on my slow journey to accept myself, and live my life day to day (enjoying simple pleasures), and learn to love more fully.

Another Day

1. I put away all of the Christmas Decorations and 1 (of 3) of the trees.
2. I slept late and talked to Cindyanna today. (Both always a pleasure)
3. I haven't had lunch yet, and it is 3:42 p.m.
4. I gave Pepper his squeaker pig back this morning, and he promptly began to squeak it. After about 40 minutes, I put the squeaker pig back up on the shelf. Pepper proceeded to jump and whine and yelp for it for the next 10 minutes. Now he has forgotten aobut it.
5. I have been crying off and on since last night with the fear that I have alienated 3 of my closest friends. I keep praying one of them will call me, but at this late hour of the day, it doesn't look good. It was entirely my fault, I acted like an idiot. I feel hopeless.
6. In the midst of this day, I am trying to remember the things I love about my life. I am still so lucky to be me.

Lucky

For the last couple of years, I have been choosing a word for the year to help guide me in my path. First I had "fullness". Last year it was "welcome". This year I have chosen "lucky". I flipped through the thesaurus for a while. I thought and thought. It finally came down to the sweet necklace Anne gave to me for my birthday. It is a fortune cookie and has a little tab off the side that says "lucky". Every time I wear it, I think of all of the blessings in my life. So this year I am going to go back to the process of making a gratitiude journal. Each night before I go to sleep I will write list of things I feel blessed my day.
If you are interested in choosing a word, you can go to Ali Edwards' blog. The link is on my side bar.

Happy New Year!

Scrap Fever

So the last few days I have had scrap fever! It all started when I scrapped those cute pictures of that adorable Caitlyn. Then, I just couldn't stop. I have been ignoring the laundry, my looming workload (only 5 more days until I have to be Kindergarten ready... ack!), the list of phone calls I needed to make this week, everything! But, I actually finished Kyla's 2005-2006 book. It has 42 pages of 8 1/2 by 11 goodness. I started this book in 2006 (when I made the "Be a Gypsy" layout) you can go by and look at it in my 2006 archives if you want. This morning I made the layout above.... one of my favorites. I just love this picture of Kyla and Pepper. So now I have been looking at the pictures in Mason's 2006 album. It is a photo sleeve album, so even though it has 32 pages, it should come together pretty quickly. Hopefully before 2010!

Little Accomplishments

So today was a fairly productive day.
1. I made 2 scrapbook layouts of sweet Cindyanna's Caitlyn. This is the first... well, part of it anyway. I have photoshopped it a little to protect the innocent!
2. I ironed 3 very large, very wrinkly kitchen chair covers for our kitchen area. You know, those cool ones they have in the Pottery Barn catalog which are made of linen or something. Mine came from Target and are made of cotton or something equally difficult to get wrinkles out of. They look a heck of a lot better than my old chairs, though! (I did this while watching Harry Potter)
3. I dusted the entire living room area. (While still watching Harry Potter)
4. I organized all of my 2008 pictures into 6 places... a family album to be scrapbooked, K's album to be scrapbooked, M's album to be scrapbooked, 3 little mini albums for events, a sleeve type of album for pictures I don't want to scrapbook, and the trash. This took a very long while and used up all of my energy. I had to keep moving things out of the "to be scrapbooked" albums and into the sleeve album. I had vowed not to add any pages to the album of pictures to be scrapbooked, and it was full by October or so. Anyway, it is done, and I am thinking I may work a little on my "Welcome 2008" album. I think there's a post about it somewhere in January if you're interested.

Anyway, here's to little accomplishments! Cheers!

Peace, Love and Merry Days

Just wanted to say I hope your days this week are full of peace and love and merriment. Last Saturday, my mom and my sister and her 3 girls and my 1 girl all loaded up and drove through ice and sleet and snow to go to Granny's Christmas party. It was a terrific day with lots of laughter and chatting and catching up. I am always amazed at how lively and energetic my Granny is at 76. I pray for that when I am older. On the way home we stopped and played in the snow for a little bit.
Here is Kyla looking awkward.

And Alyssa. Gotta love those teenagers!

Here is Madi getting ready to whack me with a snowball.

Alivia chasing someone.

And my favorite is my mom. She was really into the snowball fight. Every time she threw a snowball she would stick her tongue out. I wish I'd have gotten a picture of that!

Merry Christmas!

The post in which....

I apologize for feeling so sorry for myself like a big blubber-er.
Anyway, things are feeling much less hectic around here now. I have finished my work (at school anyway) for 2008, and I don't think I forgot anything really important.
Wrapped and sent students' presents? CHECK
Gave gifts/cards to work people? CHECK
Sent gifts to parent helpers home? CHECK
Put items in bags for custodians and secretaries? CHECK
Sent home giant bags full of work and messy gingerbread houses? CHECK
Ate delicious piece of cake left on my desk by former parent? OOOOOPS!

Uh oh! I hope their aren't any ants in my room when I get back to work next week!

A quick note (or maybe not so quick)

Life is so complicated sometimes. For so many days and weeks and months we have been waiting for our house to sell. We have been kind of on hold... like we are not living our life like we should until the house sells... like we can't be happy until the house sells... like nothing is ever sweet enough or completely fulfilling until the house sells.

Well, now the house has sold, and I have fallen into a deep dark hole of depression. For about 4 weeks now, off and on, I have been sleeping poorly, eating unhealth-ily, exercising irregularly, and feeling horrible. I dream about which drawer or cupboard the pots and pans should go in. I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about getting recycling containers. I carry pictures around the house for hours wondering where I should hang them. I feel frantic and frenetic for 18 hours of most every day.

I know part of this is due to hormones (I have been seeing a doctor to help with issues dealing with peri-menopause), but also I think I have just been under this enormous weight of pressure for so long, that I am going through a period of decompression. I am shedding the weight of all of that expectation and waiting and disappointment mostly through tears (I can feel them building up in the back of my throat even now), but I am also yelling at my kids too much and snapping at my husband too much. It is getting better little by little. Soon I hope to be back to normal. I am wishing you will keep checking in here, and not write me off as hopeless.

I will be back, I promise.

Love, Nancy

Taking a Break

I know it's a little late to be telling you this, but obviously life has gotten too complicated, and I need a little blogging break. Will try to get back before Christmas, but no promises.

Moving update....

Well, our "old" house's sale closed about a week ago, and our new house sale closed on Friday!! I just can't believe we are back in the business of living in a house we love! The electricity has been out over there (at the new house) and PG&E can't hook it back up until tomorrow, so we can't move in just yet, but today we went over and started painting the kitchen. It was a bright mossy green color, which in my opinion didn't look great with all the taupe and brown and red on the other walls (which I LOVE!) so I decided to paint the kitchen a sunny light yellow! We got one wall all finished, and it looks terrific! We could have done more, but the first coat just wasn't drying fast enough in the Arctic weather we were having today.... also, the light was beginning to fade. So, tomorrow I will be back at it all by myself. I have so many goals of things to get done this week while I am off work, that I know the week is gonna fly right by!

My week

I am feeling super fragmented and stretched out this week.
I had a delightful weekend in Tuolumne County. I drank wine and lemondrops and even some beer. I hung out and chatted with lots of wonderful old friends. I collected the sparse remnants of a previous life from the nooks and crannies and cubbyholes of my past home to make it ready for it's new owners. I breathed in the crisp dry air of the Sierras. It was lovely.
Then, it was home and work and busy, busy, busy. The highlight of my week has been meeting Caitlin. (You can click on over to Cindy's blog and meet her, too!) I got to hold her sweet little soft, sighing self for 40 minutes or so. Ahhh.
Buying a new home is complicated. More paperwork and jumping through hoops than I remember. More stress as well... since we've had such trials in this journey we are always expecting the worst. We could use some prayers for this if you're so inclined.
I am looking forward to the weekend. I have LOTS of plans. Too many I am sure, but hopefully some boxes will be packed, some sleep will be caught up on, some work (house, school and exercise) will be accomplished.

She's Here!

The call is in! Who cares who the president is.... Caitlin Marie is born!! Yay for Cindy and Dennis! P. S. This is not a picture of her... I just snagged it off the net.

Election Day

Well, after work, I hustled up to my polling place, not sure what I would find since I had heard lots of reports of long lines, etc. But, as usual, things went fine. I didn't have to wait at all, and it took me about 15 seconds to fill in all the bubbles I chose on my ballot. I won't bore anyone with talk of what I vote for or against or who I chose, as for me this is too personal of information to share on the web. I actually refuse to talk about politics with anyone except those who are closest to me. It infuriates K that I won't tell her who I voted for.

More exciting than the presidential election, for sure, is the knowledge that sweet Cindyanna is as we speak giving birth to her new baby girl. I just can't wait to meet her! Will definitely post a picture of her as soon as I get within 10 feet of her with my camera.

SOLD!

After 874 days, our house finally sold. We have been in escrow several times before, but this time I really think it will go through. It is a cash offer. Very positive. I should be jumping for joy, but all I can do is wish and hope that we will be able to afford a house here that we like.

A birthday boy

So, since it hasn't been that long since I gushed about how much I love my wonderful husband, but I thought I'd list a few reasons why I want him to have a wonderful birthday:
1. He has been really stressed out at work, but still does all his helping out at home and is almost always in a good mood.
2. He has been super supportive and wonderful during our "trials" while trying to sell our home.
3. He is getting all handsome with his smiley eyes and a few (very few) gray hairs.
4. He is always the first person I want to see when I am happy or sad or stressed out or anything.
5. He is really knowledgable about politics and history and money management (which are all the things I know very little about).
6. He is my prince charming.

Love you, babe.

Digging my way out...

I really have felt like I am buried under a gi-normous pile of crap lately.... School work needing to be cut or glued or hung up or taken down, class book pages needing covers and bindings, dirty dishes and unfolded socks... Yuck!

But this week I am beginning to dig my way up out of the pile. I have less stuff scattered around my room. I have faithfully been doing the dishes right after dinner. I have my eye on the dreaded sock basket. Soon, I think. Soon I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it is not a mirage!

Going, going, gone

Life feels like it is rushing by in giant, swooshing chunks. I am busy doing chores or working out or shopping or reading a book or getting stuff ready for school and WALLA! 2 hours are gone! I am shocked almost every time I look at the clock. There are just not enough moments in my days. So, I am pledging to take some big, deep cleansing breaths (like my friend Cindy will be taking very soon when her sweet, bubble blowing baby girl is born) and SLOW DOWN. I will find time to enjoy my days. I will find time to listen when my husband is talking. I will find time to hug my kids. I will find time to appreciate my students. I will find time to answer my emails. I will find time to blog more than once a week. I promise, I will.

Beautiful Day

Such a beautiful day... Sun shining, a project with our big buddies (who we adore). Even though things were set to go badly... in a classic Monday way... I arrived at work at my regular time. I proceeded to glance at my lesson plan book and realize that I forgot to buy the ingredients for a cooking project I needed to make (twice... once for my class, once for the other). After pacing around irritated for a bit, I decided to drive up to the little market at morning recess for supplies, but the oned I had planned (a colorful trail mix) didn't seem likely, so I just completely made up a new project... bread slices cut with cookie cutters then covered with apple butter or peanut butter and some sprinkles and exactly 4 chocolate chips. The students followed the recipe and LOVED the food. It turned out pretty well. Then, a long staff meeting that didn't bother me at all. And not getting home until 5:30. Then dinner and watching 4 long and blissful hours of LOST on Sci Fi (It's now a commercial) while glueing labels on 24 color books for tomorrow. Somehow it still feels like a beautiful day. Was it the sun? Was it that my hormones are finally coming under control and I'll no longer be a raving lunatic? I really can't say, but it was nice to feel content.

I want you to know...

Even when I am snappy or yell at you, I love you.
I miss the way you used to run up and hug me when I got home.
You can call me anytime you are in trouble.... I want you to always put your safety first.
My happiest nights are when there is laughter at the dinner table with all four of us there.
If I could, I would make all your wishes come true... but would that really make you happy?
I worry sometimes because you say you do not believe in God, but I was full of questions at your age, then I grew to love God and have a personal relationship with him, and I pray you will too.
I want you to find something you love to do, that you are passionate about, and make it your life's work.
I think the world is a better place because you are in it.
Even when I am snappy or yell at you, I love you.