On Sunday....

Kyla and I took Pepper and went to the beach to get some sand for my classroom. One of the things I keep promising myself to do more often is to go to the beach . There is just something so magical about the ocean. It is so soothing to walk along listening to the waves, feeling the wind in your hair and the sand under your feet. Of course going anywhere with Pepper is the opposite of soothing. He pulls so hard on the leash he chokes himself. The choking causes him to stop and cough about every 10 feet. Also, he goes crazy every time he sees another dog, so we have to pick him up and carry him. Being that it was a fairly nice day (50 degrees with cloud cover and only a little wind) the beach was a pretty busy place. Dogs were running wild everywhere. Kyla, of course, flips out wherever Pepper is concerned. She is sure he's going to get off his leash or pull the leash out of my hand or get attacked by a dog or be hit by a mini-meteorite!! There is just no rationalizing with her. She runs completely on FEELING.... and she just loves that little stinker so much that she gets herself all freaked out! Needless to say, the beach was not soothing or magical. It was downright horrid. So after about 15 minutes we were on our way home.

Stopped off at Woodley Island Marina to finish off the roll of film. I made Kyla walk out onto a little dock thing so she was in front of Carson Mansion. She has always loved that building and it really puts her out that it is a private club and she cannot go there. While there she was sure one of us or Pepper was going to fall into the bay. Ack!

Hopefully next time we will have more luck.

A boy

There is this boy who lives in my house. He is slowly metamorphising into a man. He has hairy man legs and a deep voice. He is the tallest member of our family. But he also comes and asks me for hugs about once a week. He does not know how to put gas in the car. He generally doesn't know where he is in his new hometown. He works out everyday, but he doesn't consistently do his homework. He is getting a C in Spanish and a D in Algebra. Today he didn't walk to my classroom after school as he was supposed to. I returned to an empty classroom after my staff meeting. I cleaned up around my room and checked my voicemail. Nothing. About 15 minutes later he called and said he was "somewhere" and would call me when he was ready to go. Does he not understand what kind of fear that puts into a mother's heart? I need to know exactly where "somewhere" is... I need to have a timeline for when he will be done, and he MUST be on time. For the next 4 years, our survival depends on these boundaries.

It's going to be a long road. Wish me luck.

Would you, Could you, in a car?

Well, tomorrow is Dr. Seuss' birthday, so in the world of Kindergarten we have been rhyming our little hearts out this week. Today I was doing a listening game with my class, and I said, "Say 'tam'"(because that's what the book said to say)..... "tam"..... "Whisper to your neighbor something that rhymes with 'tam'"..... and all I heard was lamb and jam and clam and Sam..... What a good little class I have!

Tomorrow we will be eating Green Eggs and Ham. We will make a graph of whether we like it or not, then we will write about it in these little "Cat in the Hat" journals that look like red and white striped hats. What a lovely day it will be.... I hope it isn't raining!!

The neighbor strikes again!

So on Valentine's Day, the dreaded neighbor from across the street came and paid Mark a visit... (if you look back to November 3, you can read the first part of this story). He was complaining again about how our dog's barking disturbs him. He admitted that we limit Pepper's time outside to 15 minutes about 3 times per day, yet even that small amount of barking was driving him crazy......

So, my sweet husband who is light years ahead of me in neighborly instinct.... went to the pet store to weigh our options. He considered a shock collar, wherein we would have to shock our baby each time her barked. Then he considered some new do-hickey that squirts the dog in the nose when he barks (too expensive). Finally he settled on this classic nylon muzzle.

When I arrived home from school that day I was shocked to see my sweet puppy obviously agitated by this foreign contraption. But regardless of my feelings on the topic, each time that I put him outside I attach the contraption to his head. He is still able to bark with it on... it just kind of limits his range of motion therein keeping his bark at a lower pitch.... you know, less yappy. You can also see from the photo that he can get his prodigiously long tongue out of it. The neighbor has conceded that he can live with this new arrangement. I am debating on whether I should put this picture in his mailbox with "Are you happy now?" scribbled on the back.

What do you think?

Home

Our whole family went to Angel's Camp to our little condo for the week. It was soooo nice to be there. I am not sure what I should call that place... I guess the closest I can come to reality would be "our second home". We had great times visiting friends in Tuolumne County and productive times working on the "old house" which we are still trying to sell. On Tuesday I sat at the table and felt my world expanding beyond it's narrow range in the company of many dear friends and lively conversation. On Thursday I went to Columbia Elementary and spent the day popping in on eveyone's lunch hour and later into their classrooms... I felt like I smiled for the whole 3 hours I was there. It just felt so free-ing to be among trusted friends again. I miss that school so much and pray that I will find that connectedness at my new job. I am giving it time and prayers, and I guess I should throw in a little more effort too.

But going back to my "word" for the year.... remember it was "FULLNESS".....

This trip really helped to re-fill my soul.

So thanks to Joanna and Rick and Steph and Greg and Lori and Anne and Maryanne and Kristin and Shelley and Robin and Laurie and Don and John and Karen and Karen and Terri and Cherub and Michelle and Carol and Natalie and Stacy and Suzanne and Scott and Liz and Sharon and Julie and Lisa for the light you brought into my heart during a stormy week.

Of course, being present in the moment, I didn't take a picture all week....

Inspiration

Anna Quindlen : ...but the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.


Pablo Casals : Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michaelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children.


Mother Teresa : It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.

Contentment

is settling in to me again. The last few weeks I have been suffering from malcontent. Just a sense of my life being out of kilter.... feeling flat..... sloth like.

This week that feeling has been floating away. I feel more free.... less overwhelmed... more hopeful.....

This cycle of emotion is one I am bothered by. I wonder if the way I feel is "normal". Is it depression? Is it hormonal? Is it just LIFE?

Sometimes I feel such a dichotomy inside myself....

I want to whine and snap and complain, yet still be considered "nice"
I want to cry and lean, yet still be considered "strong"
I want to be alone and isolated, yet not feel "lonely"

Luckily, (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) this snappy, crying, isolated ME only comes around at home. Mason says I have a split personality... I seem like a completely different person at work vs. home.

I try to be the best ME I can be all the time, but sometimes there's just not enough oxygen, not enough energy.

And then I wonder who the real ME really is.... If I were a character in "Shallow Hal" would I be seen by Hal as a gorgeous, thin beauty or a wrinkled up old witch?

Then I remind myself that I have been created with the potential for good or bad inside myself and I need to rejoice and strengthen the good and accept and work through the bad. I am a work in progress, and I am LOVED just the way I am.

No Words

My Valentine

I guess we're going on 20 Valentine's Days now, and I can truly say I love him more every year. It's not because of his expert shopping skills.... This year I asked him to think of a way to show me how much he loves me and he bought me a watch. He said I am always running late and needed to be more aware of the time....

but deep down he really wanted to buy me the ULTRA expensive camera I've been pining away for... we just can't afford it right now. The TAX man came knocking on our door today (before Valentine shopping) and we owe money to the fed and state.... we are officially rich now, so we have moved up into yet another higher tax bracket. (I keep wondering if we are so rich, why can't I afford to buy myself a new pair of jeans without using credit? But that's off the topic)

Back to my valentine.....

Here are a few reasons why I love you on this night....

1. You spent the day helping your mom run errands even though you didn't really want to.
2. You are distressed that you didn't have time to vacuum the carpet.
3. When I heard you and Mason laughing out loud at a movie it made my heart do a little flip-flop.
4. You finished all the pages in our little "Just the 2 of Us" scrapbook.
5. You are a kind neighbor.
6. You are working hard to get into shape.
7. You are smart.
8. You work really hard and are dedicated to your job.
9. You are taking me to Sonora next week so I can see my friends.
10. When you breathe on the back of my neck I still get goosebumps.
11. You know just what to say to make me laugh.
12. When I am cranky and whiny you love me anyway.
13. You cuddle me every night when you are asleep.
14. You said "Thank you for a nice dinner" even though you didn't really like it and had to drench everything in Ranch dressing.
15. You washed my car today even though it is raining.
16. You are getting little crinkles around your eyes, and they look great on you.
17. You know me better than anyone, and you still like me.
18. You always ask how my day was.
19. I miss you when we are apart.
20. I can always count on you... you are my rock.

The 101st Day of School

The 100th day of school is a HUGE deal in the Kindergarten world. There are celebrations and activities galore. Our 100 day was yesterday....... I had so much to do it carried over into today. Here is a list of our 100th day doings:

Days 98 & 99-
Counted and ate 100 Cheerios (or took them home in a ziploc)
Made 100 day crowns with 10 strips of paper and 10 stickers on each strip
Wrote and illustrated "I could eat 100 _____"
Made a class book with 5 stars on each page..... ( actually came to 105, but in a regular class of 20, it would have been 100 stars)
Students counted and brought collections of 100 items to school


Day 100-
Read all time best 100 day book: Miss Bindergarten Celebrates the 100th day of Kindergarten
Made adorable paper crafted portraits of our 100 year old faces and dictated the sentence "When I am 100 I will ...."
Made a snack of 100 items (10 each of 10 items)
Made a necklace with 100 fruit loops on it
Found 100 Hershey kisses hidden around our classroom with numbers written on the bottom and placed them on a 1-100 chart

Day 101- (held over due to wild and crazy behavior on day 100)
Counted 100 cookies shaped into a snake and ate 1 cookie each
Played with 100 balloons.

And, an activity I planned for today: wrote a pseudo paragraph about the 100th day of school....
consisting of the following.....
Completed this sentence: The 100th day of school was _______.
Then illustrated a series of 3 activities in boxes with these words under them.... First, we _____. Then, we _______. Finally, we ________. (Adults wrote for most kids here, a few did own writing.)
Completed this sentence: It was a ______ day.


Here is my paragraph:

The 100th day of school was rainy. First, we ate too much sugar. Then, we all lost control of our senses. Finally, we almost made the librarian cry and gave our teacher a headache. It was a poorly planned day.

Note to self: limit sugar intake on 1st rainy day in weeks!!!!

Oh, and just so you know, next week looks like this: Monday-birthday, Tuesday- field trip, Wednesday- Valentine's Day, Thursday- birthday. I hope I survive!!

I Can't Believe it!!

I've been germed!!

Unfortunately, one of the 32 times sneezes that has been aimed my way in the last week, succeeded, and I am officially sick. I spent the day hyped up on DayQuil, and I still think I had a fever. It was not a picnic. Tomorrow I have to have all of the teachers in the school in my room for a staff meeting, so my room MUST look nice, but I left work at 3:15 without doing any extra cleaning and came home to take a nap. I did this so I will have the energy to watch 24 tonight. A GIRL HAS TO HAVE PRIORITIES, YOU KNOW! I will just put all the clutter that's on my desk into the closet. No one will ever have to know!

Oh Happy Day!!!!

Today when I opened my email I was greeted with the most luscious news........


THE NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK IS BEING RELEASED ON JULY 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am quite crazy about these stories and have been lurking around various wizarding sites for months trying to get a snippet of information, but now I have it! From Borders (where I just preordered my copy) and JK Rowling's site as well!

Oh Happy Day!!!

Now I just need to make sure I am not disturbed for about 48 hours beginning on July 21 at 1:00 am, and I will finally know how the story ends!

Lonely

This is what I miss.

I miss just being myself with people I love.....

people I trust.....

people I can talk to about anything....

I feel so isolated here.

I feel isolated even when I am surrounded by others.

at work

at home

in the car

I am so focused inward..... I need to look outside myself.... I need to create the bonds of friendship with others.... I need to reach out..... I need to stop thinking of me.... and in doing so I hope to become fulfilled.

I am done crying.....

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Sunday musings

It was a nice weekend despite the fact that I have a slight cold. Four K students out of Friday... 3 sick with this germ..... I am lucky to have such a strong immune system. Just a little sore throat is it.

I had the great pleasure of babysitting my 2 little nieces last night. They even slept over. They were really into helping in the kitchen and being right with me all the time. It's such a sweet age when they depend on you so much and look to you for company and solace and entertainment. My own aged children do most things for themselves these days which is exactly what my goal was... to help them to be independent and capable. But sometimes I miss the old days! So it's nice to have little ones around to spend time with on occasion.

I didn't ever post anything about Mason's birthday. I am certainly remiss. I love that boy with my whole heart. He is so funny, so witty, so smart, so stubborn, so awkward (at times), so tall, so unmotivated, so sweet, so, well, SO TEENAGED!

He didn't want a birthday party. We went our for dinner on his day with Mark's mom. It was her birthday as well. It was nice and uneventful. Later that week, Mark went out and bought Mason a free weight set for his room. He lifts every other day and runs on the days he doesn't lift. He is sooooo dedicated to getting in shape for next year's football season it amazes me! Can't remember if he has homework from day to day, but is preparing for tryouts in August. I am glad he has passion for something! Algebra and Spanish are certainly not it!

And only one more year until he is on the road behind the wheel of a motor vehicle..... all I have to say about that is....... BRACE YOURSELVES, PEOPLE, DANGER IS IMMINENT!

On the day you were born...

I woke up in the middle of a very painful contraction

You breathed in your first breath of air and screamed before you were fully born

My dream of having a daughter was fulfilled

I fainted while trying to shower

It was sunny outside

You almost flipped yourself off of the scale when the nurse tried to weigh you

I was so happy and excited I couldn't sleep

Mason kissed you almost 100 times

Daddy looked so proud I thought he might burst

Our family became complete

We love you Kyla! Happy 13th birthday (late)!!

The birthday whirlwind is about to begin....

So January is our month for birthdays around here.... we have Kyla's tomorrow and Mason's on Sunday.

My grandmother had her first two sons on the same day only one year apart so everyone kept saying that I would have Kyla on Mason's birthday (only 2 years apart)...... luckily that didn't happen.... she was 13 days over due as it was!!

Will try to post some kind of pictures here.... will be hard to do in a timely manner since I am still a film photographer..... I'll put up a valiant effort!

Will I look like this someday?

I certainly hope so!! One of my dearest wishes is for Mark & I to be that funny looking little old couple.... all wrinkly and crazy talking and looking so much alike you know they have been together forever......

Also, I can't wait to do this art project with my class!! Just one of the great ideas I got at the K conference.... Thanks to Diane for so promptly sending me the pictures she took!

The life of a Kindergarten teacher......

Well, this weekend was the 25th anniversary of the CA Kindergarten Conference. I am sooooo grateful that 25 years ago some very commited women organized and started this conference, because collaboration is so crucial in my field of work. There is no world like that of Kindergarten. It's challenges and it's rewards are intrinsically different than those found in other grade levels. I did not have as many "AHHHH HAAAAA" moments this year as I have in the past, but I think I have a better understanding of what ideas will work for me and the students I serve. I won't have as many frustrations as I used to when I tried out virtually every new idea that was thrown my way!

One observation I made about Kindergarten teachers was that there are significantly fewer who wear "cutesy" clothes..... I am afraid the custom jumper lady in the sales area had very little business!! I also see less weird jewelry. In my opinion, there is nothing tackier than a necklace made from variety of fabrics braided with large, shiny clay animals glued onto it!

Thank God for the end of this trend!! I did, however, see 3 ladies with matching mitten sweaters walking around together, and I desperately hoped they were presenting a workshop then changing into appropriate clothing!

Overall I had a great time. I enjoyed the company of my new teaching partner and enjoyed catching up with past comrades. Like I said, collaboration is KEY!

BTW, I was very excited to see someone had left a comment on my blog. When I looked at it I was shocked to see it was a "stranger" correcting me for my stupidity!! I hope I did not offend him too badly.... that was certainly not my intention. But hey, if it gets people to leave comments, I might start making unworldly blanket comments on any number of topics!! Any suggestions?

So what's up?

If anyone out there is wondering what all this talk of "fullness" is, let me clear it up. I lurk about on many a scrapbooking icon's blog, and one of my favorites is Ali Edwards. She actually even has an e zine that I subscribe to. In her e zine she challenged each person to pick a word for the year to focus on, contemplate, etc. I kicked around a variety of words then settled with "fullness" .

This word came to me primarily from listening to Todd Agnew's song "Fullness Found". I really love this song and actually listened to it again and again as I drove to my interview for the job I currently have.

Any way, today Ali Edwards sent out another challenge... to research our word in quotes, etc. I found this one that I really like:

The reality of truth is not to be bought, to be sold, to be repeated; it cannot be caught in books. It has to be found from moment to moment, in the smile, in the tear, under the dead leaf, in the vagrant thought, in the fullness of love.

J. Krishnamurti

I am assuming this J. Krishnamurti has something to do with Hari Krishnas, but I don't care. I like the quote!

Happy Birthday!!

I just wanted to tell my cute baby sister that I hope she had a great birthday......

She is one of those people who make me feel better just by hearing her voice.

She is a FANTASTIC mom.

She is beautiful and takes great care of herself.

She is funny.

She does great impressions of people.

She is one of my best friends.

Happy Birthday! I love you!!

P.S. Sorry this is a day late!!

A little fuller....

Just a little note from today.....

A sweet little guy in my class drew this picture of me on the dry erase board today during free time....

I just love the look of it....

The wild hair blowing in the wind...

The quirky smile.....

The funny little lean that suggests dancing....

Best of all I love the belly button.... my real belly button has not seen the light of day in 16 years!!

Maybe someday soon I will have the courage (and the waistline) to set it free!!

He also drew on boots with zippers down the sides (which was what I was wearing) but unfortunately the copy machine cut them off!!

I am so glad that my class sees me as a happy, quirky, funny teacher. They actually say that to me all the time.... Mrs. Bergenske, you are sooooo silly! soooooo funny!

Today I am blessed.

Fullness Found

What a wonderful vacation I had!! Each day I would sleep and sleep until I couldn't sleep another minute then I'd get up and have day after day of freedom.... no schedules... no obligations.... no commitments..... simply a day of possibilities. I got to choose what to do..... if I felt like being a vegetable, I could..... if I wanted to scrapbook or organize or chat or read or be alone, I could. Each day was a gift I was able to give to myself.

By last Friday, I was beginning to feel the pressure of work looming ahead of me. I could feel my world shrinking.... my freedom rushing away..... my possibilities diminishing. I started to feel stress. I got a headache. Lists of things to finish before Monday started clicking through my head.

But instead of getting down to business and taking care of those lists, I became more and more vegetative. I got grouchy. I began to move more slowly. I tried to hoard my remaining moments of freedom.... just laying down..... watching TV..... slothlike. Any interruption by my family became unwelcome..... I just wanted to shrink up.... shrivel..... waste away in grief over my lost time.

Then, last night, I heard these words.... Please come back soon, life is so much smaller without you here.

It was then that I began to realize that even though it was necessary for me to grieve over my lost freedom, I was gaining so much more. It is such a priveledge to be able to spend my days in the presence of a group of 22 sweet souls who come to school excited about the day's possibilities.... who are full of love and kindness.... who are eager to learn.... who are not yet so afraid of making mistakes that they are paralyzed. Their enthusiasm can be emotionally draining on occasion, but more often it fills me up.

Today as we were going around the circle telling "one thing we did on vacation" a little girl said she got a new puppy. They were not expecting it for 2 weeks, but they heard a knock on the door, and when they opened it, there was they puppy sitting all alone on the step. "Do you think the puppy knocked?" I asked. And the room erupted into giggles.... just the idea of a tiny puppy knocking on the door was enough to fill them up.... It's that appreciation for the everyday moments and simple pleasures that I am working on appreciating. And even beyond that, I need to express my appreciation... to my class, to my husband, to my son and daughter, to my friends and family, to my coworkers.

The fullness does not come by keeping the everyday pleasures to myself but by sharing them.

Fullness Found

fullness

Resolutions

I cannot count how many times my New Year's Resolutions have centered around weight. Exercise at least 4 times per week. Diet by counting calories. Diet by limiting portion size. Diet by giving up sweets. Drink more water.....

Well, this year my resolution is to live this quote.....

Breathe.

Let go.

And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.

It will not matter at the end of my life what size jeans I wore.

I want to live a FULL life. Really live it... every day.

Living

OUT LOUD!!

The Beach

This is a shot we took at the beach while trying to get a picture for my mom's Christmas gift. I love the way Maddie is peeking around at Alivia. I love the way Livi's hair is blowing in the wind. I love how you can see how cold it is by the hunching of Kyla and Alyssa's shoulders. I even love how you can see Mason's impatience at these "weird pictures" by how he's standing.

I promised myself that when we moved back here I would spend more time at the beach. The ocean is one of the things I like best about Eureka. It's just so primal and beautiful and full of power. Will try to schedule a trip this stormy week if the bad weather lets up.

My first trip to the beach was when I was about 8 years old or so.... very late considering we lived less than an hour away.... but my parents didn't much like leaving home. Anyway, we all piled into some vehicle and drove out to Panther Gap and then to the "lost coast". I was so excited to see the waves and the sand. I really wanted to go and run in the waves like kids did on TV, but my dad would not stop the car. He said it was too windy and cold to get out. I know now that it probably was very windy and cold, and I probably would have not lasted on the sand for more than 10 minutes, but my regret at not getting to really experience the ocean that day was very great.

My own children are not the type who like to try new things very often.... especially not Mason. But, I try to expose them to life in an active way as often as possible. I want them to have as many experiences as possible.... to feel like they are living and not just observing the lives of others through that flickering window we call the TV.

Merry & Bright

Well, up until the 22nd things were pretty hectic. As usual I was frantically trying to get everything done for my classroom up until just about the last minute.

On Thursday night after attending the Winter Program at school where my Kindergartners sang "Channukah is Here" (they were pretty cute btw!) I drove to Walgreens to drop off one last roll of film to develop. My plan was to give my parent volunteers a nice photo of their child in a frame, but several of the pictures from Tuesday came out pretty whonky and a couple of kids were absent, hence the Thursday night foray to Walgreen's. I arrived at about 8:05 p.m. Had to wait in line 10 minutes because they had lost the pictures of the customer in front of me. Finally left at 8:15 with my little tag saying pics would be ready at 9:15.

So with 1 hour on my hands, I ventured to the mall to finish stocking shopping for my kids. I went to 3 stores, got everything I needed, and was promptly back in line at Walgreen's at 9:18. Things were going just as planned.....

The girl at the photo counter was on the phone and noticably frazzled, digging through drawers. I waited about 5 minutes until a guy showed up. He asked the phone girl what needed to be done. She told him to help "that lady" (meaning me). He wandered over, glanced at my tag without saying anything, and wandered away. About 30 seconds later phone girl comes over, still on the phone, and asks if he helped me. "I don't really know, he looked at my tag." is my unhelpful answer. She walks off talking into the phone. He comes back holding a roll of film all unwound and hanging from that contraption that goes in the machince, and leers pretty close to me saying, "I've been at lunch, and it was pretty busy so your pictures haven't been started yet, but we'll get them done really soon." It is then that I notice the distinctive aroma of the Humboldt County drug of choice wafting off of photo guy. I look more closely at him and sure enough, his eyes are red and glossy.... pupils enlarged. Must've been a nice lunch.

15 minutes later, stoned photo guy rings up my pictures (thankfully they came out great)saying, "Mrs. Ber.... Mrs. Berg.... Mrs. How do you say your name?" "Mrs. Bergenske" I reply. "Well, Mrs. Bergenske, Mrs. Bergenske, Mrs. Bergenske..... You're here to pick up your pictures." And what could I say to that. He was painfully right.

I finally got home at 10:00 and spent the next hour wrapping parent gifts. And putting tags and bows on gifts for my students.

Things have been getting progressively better since Thursday night. We had a lovely evening last night with all of Mark's siblings and their families here at our house. I felt very relaxed about the whole thing and had a great time. I got to hold sweet Charles, if just for a little while.

Today we celebrated together as a family and I even made breakfast... a rare occasion indeed. Kyla is happily talking on the phone and playing with her new American Girl doll. Mason is patiently waiting for me to get off the computer so he can start loading his new 30gb ipod with classic rock and roll. Mark is watching 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" and vacuuming the debris off the living room carpet.

All is certainly Merry and Bright.

Cousins

this is the reason why we are here.....


family.

My mom asked for a picture of all her grandkids for Christmas, and this is the best we could come up with.

Mason is incredibly BAD at pictures....

doesn't look and the camera and NEVER smiles!

But all the girlies are sure adorable!!

Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas cards..... CHECK!

Well, only 7 short days until Christmas and things are getting a little wild around here. I made a 16 item "To do list" for Sunday and got about 14 of them done..... finished the Christmas cards tonight and am moving on to my 14 item list for this week..... have done nothing on it as of yet, so maybe I will add "Update blog" as #15 and then cross it off... that always makes me feel better. I intended to only check my email and then dash into the kitchen to make glue and cinnamon "gingerbread" ornaments for my class to decorate for their parents as a gift ( I am the ONLY teacher at Ferndale who has not finished the parent gifts ).... but then Pepper climbed up into my lap and is being very still and cuddly... he just grunts occasionally.... and it's just too hard to toss him on the floor. I LOVE that feeling of being needed when something small and helpless lays on you and sleeps......

Had a nice visit with my Mom's side of the family in Hayfork on Saturday. I got to bring my sisters 3 girls along with me, and they were fantastic. My favorite part of the day was listening to Maddie (who is just 4) tell Grandma stories in the car. She told Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, Little Red Riding Hood, The Gingerbread Man and one other I can't remember. I HAVE to video tape her soon! She has the sweetest little high pitched voice and remembers LOTS of "book" words and phrases... It's just the cutest thing you ever did see!!

Peace to all!

Grouchy

I was feeling soooooo grumpy today. Did not want to talk to anyone... just tired and drained.... so after helping to wrap gifts for needy students, I just packed up all my work and drove away. I had a decent chat with Mason on the way home.... (he's NOT planning on college as of now, because he wants to be a toothpaste inventor..... I said, you mean CHEMIST? That means you go to college!) I got drive through KFC.... already had dinner.... check the time.... and I feel sooooo much better! Can totally envision being creative tonight. Will maybe write the Christmas letter and do a little scrapping..... Now off to walk on the tread mill before the energy wears off!

My theme song....

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel likeIt's a beautiful dayDon't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's" Your Theme Song?

shopping

So I have this old black plastic portfolio with lists for Christmas gifts and Christmas cards since, like 1998. I don't know why I like to keep all the old ones, but it's nice for me to remember what I gave on previous years, so I don't duplicate it. And, I use last year's card list to make this year's card list.

Some years I start buying gifts in, oh, say June. This year I had a total of ONE gift purchased by December 1st. And, money being a bit tight around here, last week I started filling out the list with homemade gifts I could make with scrapbooking supplies.... Lord knows, I have enough supplies to make 10 years worth of gifts!! Then, yesterday, I went to Target with my list to get stuff (mostly for preteen boys) who I had no ideas for, and I ended up buying for most everyone..... there will be very FEW homemade gifts this year..... It just felt easier that way... with so little creative energy flowing out of me, I didn't want to use it up on altering art supplies for a 5 year old.....

Oh, and this sweet little girly in my class told me Friday when we were writing our letters to Santa that her favorite reindeer is Comma. Hee Heee!!

work, work, work......

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by work again. I have not left school before 5:00 all week, and with Mason pacing around the classroom from 3:20 on, it is not pleasant. In addition to putting in late hours, I usually do 3-4 hours of prepping at home each night. I do not know why it's taking me so long to get things done.... am I too unorganized?.... am I slow?.... am I doing too much?......

It's a question I have no answer for.... but I am working on it! I want A LIFE!!

Here is an older photo of Kyla and Alyssa "kissing" Santa (actually my cousin Tim).... I found it last night at about 11:00 when I was obsessing about finding a photo to use as my desktop background that was winter related.

Now I am off to see what I still have to finish

a father who loves me....

So this morning as I was flipping through the guide on the TV, I saw that Pride & Prejudice was on..... now I own this movie, I bought it the very first day it came out on DVD, but I was compelled to watch it anyway. So as I unpacked yet another box of Christmas decorations, I listened to the familiar text and watched my favorite parts. When almost everything was put away, I sat to watch the ending.... Ahhhh, the best part..... but even after Mr. Darcy whispered those enchanting words..... You have bewitched me body and soul, and I lll, I llllove, I love you..... I was still mesmerized by the TV. Now here was a new happening. When Lizzy is talking to her father about Mr. Darcy, and her father starts to cry when he realizes how much she actually loves him, and he says, "I never thought anyone would be worthy enough to deserve you, but it seems I have been contradicted"..... well, those words caused me to burst into tears. All at once I felt this giant hole in my heart that has never felt that love that only an adoring father can give. I know this void to be the root of many of my problems with my own self worth. I have spent much time trying to accept this void and to appreciate my father and the quiet, stern, uncommunicating love which is all he has to offer me. Then, later, as a gift, I came across these words.....

Naughty or Nice
Thy are my child

It came from the World Prayers Archives, and it touched that spot in my heart and filled it just a little bit.... I do have a father who loves me with an adoring love.... who cried with joy on the day I accepted the proposal of my dearest Mark.... who tearfully rejoiced with me when my children were born.... who watches over me each day and hopes that someday I will realize that indeed I am worthy.... worthy of love.

More about me....

You are supposed to answer the following questions using photographs or images. Hmmm...maybe I will try this soon.
one. who am i?
two. who knows me best?
three. how old am i? (or how old do i feel?)
four. the most important thing in my life is _____________
five. i always carry _____________________
six. something i always do _____________________
seven. i'm at my happiest when _____________________
eight. on a monday morning, you can find me ____________
nine. my favourite mode of transport
ten. my eyes are _____________________
eleven. my favourite material posession
twelve. to relax, i like to _____________________
thirteen. the town i live in is _____________________
fourteen. my worst habit
fifteen. my guilty pleasure
sixteen. when i look at someone, the first thing i see is _______
seventeen. i think _____________________ is beautiful
eighteen. one thing i can live without
nineteen. one thing people don't know about me
twenty. my life is ___________________

Thankful for.....

...Mason getting a haircut today
...popcorn and diet pepsi
...snuggling under a cozy blanket with Kyla while watching Harry Potter
...Pepper cuddled up on my lap
...finishing 9 of 11 items off my to do list today
...a warm house with rain dripping onto the roof
...a movie date with my husband last night
...the prospect of NOT cooking dinner tomorrow
...an email from my good friend Shelley
...watching Harry Potter in Spanish and laughing with the boys
...Kyla being kicked off the computer so I can use it
...my yummy cranberry chutney chilling in the fridge
...talking to my Grandma on the phone yesterday
...a day filled with family tomorrow
...3 days with friends and wine tasting next week
...LIFE

Holiday fever

Every year I swear that I will not get bogged down by the holidays.... it's such a beautiful time of year filled with the opportunity for peace and introspection and gratitude and love.... But inevitably I end up stressed by the pressures of gift giving and cooking and just the sheer EXPENSE of it all. So even though Thanksgiving is only a mere 3 days away, I am pledging to use this most precious time of advent for what it was intended... to prepare my heart to once again accept the gift of Jesus.

By far the best shot of the day..

was of MY baby.... Pepper. Isn't that a great look.

(Also, the great light really makes the shot!!)

Here are the shots of Charles...

By the time I arrived at Charles' house, the day was pretty stormy and the light was not great, but we got a few good shots.... Here are my favorites....

Wanna be photographer

So yesterday I got to go up to my inlaws house to take some pics of my new nephew, Charles. In order to get ready I whipped out my camera manual and proceeded to read about how to shoot without using the preprogammed modes. All that reading inspired me to take a few pics at home before venturing up to see Charles. Here are a few of the shots I took.....

This is my niece Alyssa looking cute..... and quirky in her pink fishnet sleeves!! And of course Kyla is being her crazy but beautiful self!

A random chat

One of the best things about commuting with your kids is that you are stuck in the car together, and they are almost always forced to talk to you! Now, don't get me wrong, Mason and I by no means talk for 20 minutes straight to and from school each day. But, we are having more conversations overall since we started driving around together.

Today we were laughing about all the ridiculous incidents the news was reporting concerning the release of the new PS3. I mean, come on people, shootings and fist fights over a gaming system!! Get a life!! The conversation then turned to the many gaming systems Mason has owned in his life. He actually saved up his own money for months to buy his first Nintendo back when he was 10!!

That triggered a memory for me of him in his room at about the age of 4 with money (mostly coins) in a loooooong line from the toy box to the door. At least twice a week he would spread his money out this way with the BIG money (AKA $1 bills) on one end and progressing down to the pennies. Then he would meticulously count the money all by himself. It was the cutest thing ever.... and may I say that his Math skills were VERY advanced for a 4 year old! When I mentioned this to him, he remembered that he was saving up to buy a Darth Vader toy.

It was a nice drive home today.

bad day/ good day....

Well, my day started out pretty badly.... not enough time to blow dry my hair all the way.... always ends up looking FUZZY! Kyla was freaking out about not knowing how to finish her math homework.... had to spend 15 minutes explaining Lowest Common Denominator before breakfast..... grab everything and start to run out the door.... don't have lunch, realize I forgot to pack lunch.... grab dull pasta with nothing on it and race out.... get into the car (already 5 minutes late) and don't have enough gas to get to work.... get to small gas station closest to my house and both pumps are already in use.... wait (parked back a little bit) for person to leave so I can pull up to pump and another guy comes cruising in and steals my spot.... get stuck behind a large truck on 2 lane road on the way to work... arrive at work promptly at 8:10.... have numerous children and parents waiting for me. UGH!!

Right before recess, one of the other teachers calls me and says the reading program I've been dying to use has arrived..... I walk to the teacher's room and realize it's GOODIE DAY (this means other people have made a yummy lunch with lots of desserts for all to share) AAAAHHHH!! My day is better!

I'm pretty easy to please!

Good Story

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every! day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

A new baby in the family

Monday was the big day! Liz’s water broke at 2:50am, and after a 15-hour labor adventure, Liz gave birth to a 8lb-5oz, 19-3/4” baby boy at 6:08pm – Charles Nicholas Bergenske. He is just adorable and both he and his mother are recovering well.


We are so excited about our newest Bergenske!!

Congratulations to the happy (sleep deprived) parents!

She's 4!!

She ran....
She jumped....
She leaped....
She giggled....
She bounced....
She shrieked with joy....
She was wild and crazy....

It was a lovely party at gymnastics....

And when we sang...

Happy birthday to you...
Happy birthday to you...
Happy birthday dear Maddie....
Happy birthday to you!

She positively GLOWED!

It was perfect.

Halloween Hauntings

Here are a few shots I took of the girls on Halloween before trick or treating. Maddie was dressed up as Kipper (her own personal black and white cat), Livi was Minnie Mouse, Alyssa was a pirate girl, and Kyla was an AC/DC school girl. They were all adorable. It sure took a large amount of coaxing (and bribery) to get Kyla to wear her outfit, but we did it!

We enjoyed a night of roaming the Lundbar Hills area. Near the end Maddie had to be carried, but it was worth it..... There is still candy scattered all over the house!

This is certainly one of the BIG advantages of living in Eureka again.

P. S. We did not go the aforementioned neighbors house!

The dreaded neighbor....

So, we have lived in this neighborhood for barely 2 months, and already we have an enemy. WARNING: I take full responsibility for NOT being a bigger person and diffuisng the situation. Prepare to be shocked.... as my friend Joanna says, "It is really shocking."

So, here's the story......

Once upon a time (hee hee) Mark was home alone with Pepper, and Pepper was outside barking his sweet little heart out while Mark watched TV. Out of the blue, this grouchy old man comes to the door. Mark answers it. The old man complains that the dog barking is bothering him, and it is against the CCR's. Mark is polite, apologizes, and brings the dog in.

Fast forward a few days..... We are all home. I am cooking dinner. The washing machine and dryer are going. The kids are in their rooms doing whatever they do in there. Mark is watching TV. Pepper is outside barking. The grouchy old man comes to the door. I answer it.

Old man (with vein pulsing on his forehead): Your dog has been outside barking for almost an hour. Could you.....

Me (with mouth pursed and eyes narrowed): Goodbye (Door is closed)

Now, I know that was not the best way to handle the situation, but I was tired and really, if I would have actually talked to him, I would have said something RUDE (even more rude than shutting the door in his face) and possibly containing profanity!! So, under the circumstances, I did the best I could.

The newest update in the saga occured on Halloween. I had a pretty decent day at school... The kinders were pretty well behaved. But, it was Halloween, and the amount of sugar is only rivaled by the high energy level. So when I got home I was mellowing out on the computer.... checking email, visiting blogs, and playing solitaire. Mark was on the golf course. Mason was in his room, and Kyla and Alyssa had just arrived home from Jr. High. Pepper was again outside (barking). Kyla yells to me that their are early trick or treaters, and I need to get the candy ready. So, I log off and start heading to the kitchen, but as I pass the front door, I see THE DREADED OLD GRUMPY MAN coming up the steps. As I walk passed the glass door, he looks in at me. I keep walking. I say to Kyla, "Go get Pepper" and I go into the kitchen to get the candy. He rings the doorbell. This time when I open it, he truly looks like he is about to have a stroke. He is so worked up and angry. Before I can say anything he snaps at me, "I have been listening to your dog bark for over an hour, and he's driving me crazy!!!!!" I say, " I already sent my daughter to get him." I shut the door. I get the candy ready. I answer the doorbell to 3 trick or treaters. I snap at an approximately 7 year old boy who takes 2 handfuls out of the basket. HEY!

That grumpy old man spread his grumpiness all over me..... That is not how I want to spend my time! It is then that I get a mental picture. This old guy from across the street is retired. He has a lovely sweet wife. He bothers all the neighbors about the CCR's. He sat in his house for an hour with nothing better to do than listen to my dog bark and let himself be overcome with anger.

That is when I became full of remorse.... not for letting my dog out to work off a little energy after being locked up in his kennel... but for the people who have no joy in life.

So here is my note to the grumpy old man....

Dear sir,
I am truly sorry that you have nothing more exciting to do in your day than to sit home and listen to my dog bark, so I have come up with a list of things you could do while my dog is outside each day.

1. Turn your TV up.
2. Put on some big band music and dance with your lively wife.
3. Get in your car and go to the store for earplugs.
4. Watch an action movie.
5. Call someone you like and make pleasant conversation.
6. Mow your lawn.
7. Take a walk in a quieter neighborhood.
8. Drill or hammer or saw something.
9. Scrub something. (Scrubbing always gets my anger out.)
10. Put on some Marvin Gaye or Barry White and have a MATINEE with your wife.

Whatever you do, please avoid my front door. Sincerely, your helpful neighbor

So, I'd love to hear your comments on what to add to my list. Gotta go, I hear a knock at the door.....

I've gone bi-scraptual!!

Well, not really, but tonight I was shopping around on 2 peas, and I started looking at the digital kits. They all looked really cool, and were inexpensive, so I started to get an urge to BUY, BUY, BUY!!! But instead of succumbing to temptation, I opened my Photoshop Elements and played around with the FREE digi kit I downloaded off of 2 peas last April..... and ...... WAAAA LAAAAA!! I made my first digital scrapbook page! I think it's pretty cute.... and with Pepper snuggled up on my lap, I appreciate it even more.Also, it was easy, fast and required no clean up! There certainly is something to be said for that!

Me

Some random thoughts for tonight.....

I wish I were a better photographer
I haven't cooked dinner for the last 2 nights
I have been obsessed with work and making my curriculum the best it can be
I miss my old house at least 1,000 times each day
I am thankful to be near my family
I had a good talk with Kyla about boys today
Mason took a 37 minute shower last night
I saw a doe and her fawn go across our street 3 times today
Mark will be 40 in 9 short days... birthday plans are in motion
I helped Kyla put up the Halloween decorations
I fed Pepper some tuna and regretted it later (pee-yew)
It was foggy all day and drizzling this evening
I had a hot chocolate from Starbucks right before dinner
I found some great ideas online for pumpkin activities for the classroom
I did my 'shrink your female fat zones' tape today
I didn't get out of bed until 9:48 this morning
I listened to Matchbox 20 and The Big Chill soundtrack and U2 today
I cut out at least 800 paper mittens
I did not do any laundry

Sweet Ryan

So, with so many new babies getting ready to come into the world (In addition to Michelle & Jim's twins, my brother in law and sister in law are having a baby soon!!!!) I have been getting baby fever. So, I guess it's time to work on Ryan's baby album.

When my dear friend Michelle had her little Alison 2 years ago, I created her a first year album before she was born!! So when Ryan came along the next year, I thought he should get one, too!! Unfortunately, I have finished about 3 of the 15 pages so far, and Ryan is already 9 months old!! I absolutely MUST finish it and send it along to Michelle and Mike!! By the way Michelle, this is the title page. Do you like it?

I actually packed a whole suitcase of scrapping supplies and took them to Australia this summer with the intention of completing Ryan's book on our 2 week vacation..... but, alas, the creative bug necessary for this project was not with me!! But here it is, the weekend, and Kyla is spending the night with her cousin, and Mason's football game was canceled, and the creative bug is buzzing around my scraproom!! So Ryan's album might just get finished!!!

Twins on the way!!

I just received an email tonight that my friend Michelle is almost ready to have her sweet twin boys. She is on bed rest trying to hold out until the 15th....... Keep her in your prayers!!

Pages complete!!

For most of the summer I was in a scrapbooking hiatus.... not on purpose, I just couldn't seem to find the energy and creativity to make any pages.... but in the last week I have been scrapping like crazy.... well maybe not crazy, but certainly energetically! I finished Mason's 2005 album this week, and he actually looked at it! It was the most attention he's ever paid to a scrapbook!! I also added some pictures to some already completed pages, and did 2 pages for our family 2005 album (only 22 more pages to finish!). And then today, I did this page for Kyla's toddler album for 1995-1996....There's actually a pink border around the whole layout, but my scanner cut it off! Anyway, I love these new Bohemia papers and rub ons.... Only wish I had been a better photographer back then.... after working on this picture for over an hour with photoshop this is the best I could do!

Here's hoping you have a creative week!

The child, the myth, the legend

Now these are all stories my mom has told me about my baby / toddlerhood... I have no memory of any of them, and I do not know how much is factual and how much is exaggerated... but I want to write them down before I forget....

When I was about 1 or so it garden planting time again, and, being a curious and spoiled child, I wanted to help. So when it came to planting the corn, my mother swears I stomped my chubby little feet on each mound of dirt. Now all of you corn planters out there know that for the corn to grow, the soil should be lightly tapped over the top of the seeds, so my dad was insistent that I not be allowed to ruin the corn. But, of course, my grandpa insisted that if it made me happy it was OK, so I stomped and stomped each mound.... my dad getting madder and madder by the moment and everyone else happy to amuse the baby. My mom also swears it was the best corn patch they ever had.

Along the same lines is the cooking incident...... Growing up the front right burner on the stove didn't work, and the story goes that I wanted to cook, so I filled a plastic bowl with water and proceeded to melt it all over the stove and almost catch my grandpa's thin white hair on fire... all the while my parents were flabbergasted and my grandpa was chuckling.

Another way my grandpa indulged me was by allowing me to eat complete cubes of butter whenever I wanted and to cover my peas with a mound of sugar bigger than the actual mound of peas. I was also allowed to drink Pepsi in my bottle and to put me to sleep at night the trick was sugar water with a dash of whiskey!!!! ACK!

So, now you all know, the myths of my childhood...... Does this help you to understand the strangeness that is me?

Memories at Random

So one of my goals this fall is to start writing down memories I have from my childhood. I would like to create a 'Random Childhood Memories' type of album and add to it whenever inspiration strikes.

So on this night, while Mark is in Kansas City, and Mason and Kyla are doing whatever it is they do in their rooms at night, and Pepper is asleep on my lap, I thought I would write down a memory for my (someday) book.

I loved to play outdoors as a little girl (as indoors there was not much room!) so a couple of different times I built a school house on top of the haystack. I took books and paper and pencils and chairs and blankets and who knows what and lugged each piece up to the top of the haystack and built a classroom. I would always play the teacher. I had great times whenever my sister would join me and be my student, but as I was very bossy, that did not happen very often. So usually it was just me on top of the haystack with a stuffed animal or kitten, playing school. I remember I always had to reprimand the boys for their messy handwriting. I don't know where this came from, but it was likely something I heard my teachers do at school. This is one of the reasons why I listen very carefully to how the students in my class talk to each other when they play teacher at school......

so far, so good!

Hey girls!!

Finally opened up the picture CD Lori gave me at the last lake party .... Thanks, Lori :-) I really loved this picture and had to print it out. It is from that "Big John" winery where we made the poor guy take picture after picture. I think it was worth his while, however, as we bought more wine there than anywhere else!

I have been saving up all my personal days at work in the hope of being invited to Murphy's in December.

Hope you are all well!

Love, Nancy

A Chair

This is a picture of my Granny. I don't know when it was taken or who is in the photo with her, but it's one of my favorite pictures of her.

I have such wonderful childhood memories of Granny. She was a huge influence in my life... and remains to be even today.

Yesterday, I went to visit my Dad's cousin, Dolores, and she gave me my Granny's little wooden rocking chair. I haven't been able to take my eyes off of it since I brought it home. I feel all warm and comforted just by having it here in my house. My sweet Mark is going to clean it up and repaint it for me, then it will go in the corner of my scrapbooking room. I am thinking of rebacking one of the quilts Granny sewed to drape over the back.

Thank you, Dolores.... for the chair and the visit. Little by little I feel more re-connected to this new place I am living.

The best show ever.....

So I know I have blogged before about my favorite TV shows, but in honor of the Grey's Anatomy premiere tomorrow night (in about 25 hours and 30 minutes!!!!) I just had to make a comment.....

I love Grey's Anatomy.... It makes me laugh and cry and think about my life. It makes me appreciate what I have and push myself to grow......

Now this may seem a little weird for a TV show, but it's the truth. I look forward to each episode as I would a night out with the girls. It truly is the best TV I've seen in a really long time.....

Some favorite moments:

Bailey, "Quit looking at my Vajayjay!"

When Alex scoops Izzy off of Denny's bed and carries her away..... (these two take me back to the days of Doug Ross and Carol on ER)

"Pick ME, choose ME, love ME" (this is what we all want to say, and don't have the nerve.)

Christina and Burke dancing in kitchen (I should do that once in a while!)

Izzy and Meredith and George laying under the Christmas tree, looking up at the lights (I do this every year)

The entire bomb episode (OMG!)

When the intern, Marshall, apologizes to the giant contry-fied dad of the pregnant woman who died, and you think he's going to throttle him, and he comforts him instead.... (instant tears)

Can't wait for tomorrow night...... only 25 hours, 18 minutes to go!!

Such a bummer

So, the MRI showed that Mason has cracked his femur right above the knee, and there will be no more football for the year. We are all broken hearted.........

9.11.01

Every generation has events that stick in their minds as a collective shock.... a change to their perception of the world. The first for me was the Challenger disaster in the 80's. The second, and by far more profound was 9.11. I remember the details of the day very clearly. I was driving to work with the radio on B93.1 when Angie Good and Tammy Cruise started talking about what was happening. They announced the first 2 plane crashes.... then the 3rd into the pentagon. Later I almost had to pull over as the World Trade Center collapsed. Then their was the final plane in Pennsylvania. It was just too much to wrap your brain around. These kinds of things don't happen in the USA. The entire week I was in a state of shock. I taught my class from a distance... trying to come to terms with the information flooding in while also trying to calm the fears of 20 five year olds who had seen horrible scenes on the television that they couldn't comprehend.

In later years, my partner teachers and I tried to keep the memory of that day alive in Kindergarten by planting red, white and blue flowers with paper pieced flags in memory of the victims and heroes, but last year as I was trying to discuss "Patriot's Day" with my class, not a single one had any idea of what I was talking about. It was then that I realized they had been 1 year old at the time of the incident. So, I have decided to keep the memory in my private life and not to commemorate it at school. I am not sure if this is the right decision, but it is what feels right to me. I just don't think a short chat by the teacher can convey the importance, yet a more in depth discussion could prove to scary for them to process. That seems more appropriate at home.

Whatever you are doing today, I hope you took time to remember.......

Game Day

This is the look of the boy whose team won their first game 35-13, but he didn't get to play. You see, he has a knee injury, so he hasn't been allowed to put on pads or hit anyone or run or go for a sack or even block for the last two weeks. And all of those things are what makes him happy.... you know, that giddy kind of happy that is so obvious even the dense mother can see joy on her son's face.

So tomorrow we go for an MRI, and I really hope that they say this boy is ready to suit up and throw some blocks. He could really use an adrenaline rush right about now!!

Love this......

A quote from Brian Andreas.... whose books I love...... who inspires me to live a better life....

My friend.....

This is my sweet friend, Danette. We have known each other since first grade.... not long after this picture was taken. That's 32 or so years of shared memories. We have watched each other grow and change and pursue our dreams. We have had more sleep overs than I can count. We have been through braces (hers at 13, mine at 35), boyfriends and bad choices together.... but I wouldn't change a thing!!

Thanks so much for the walk today, Danette.... It was great to catch up!! I am looking forward to many more days like today in my new hometown.

Books, books, books

Ever since I was a weeeeeee little girl ( I am reading and re-reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears to my class this week) I have loved books. My mom swears that I was reading by the time I was 3 years old. I remember the pleasure of sitting on my Granny's lap and being read to when I was tiny. I remember (VIVIDLY) reading the Janet and Mark books in first grade. I started chapter books in second and was engulfed in the worlds of Charlotte's Web and Little House in the Big Woods. I think I read 90% of the novels in the Scotia School library. One of the highlights of my week was when the Book Mobile parked itself in the clearing of my tiny little hometown (population 34) and I got to pick a book.

So I'm wondering why I haven't blogged about what I'm reading or what I've read and loved or what I'd like to read.......

Currently I am reading Lipstick Jihad. It is a memoir written by an Iranian American journalist. Being that I generally ignore politics, and recall almost no history, I've found it to be very informative. It's not really what I'd call riveting, however, I have almost no desire to pick it up.

The last GREAT book I read was called The Life of Pi. It is about a 16 year old Indian boy whose family is immigrating to Canada with a variety of animals from the zoo they have recently sold. The boat they are on sinks and Pi finds himself on a lifeboat with a hyena, a zebra, an orangutan and a tiger. I found it in the airport and read it while on vacation in Australia this summer. Several friends of mine were less than impressed by it, but, to me, it was FABULOUS. I loved the discussion of various religions in the beginning of the story, and the section while Pi is on the boat kept me in stitches. And the interview at the end was extremely thought provoking. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.

So, tell me, what are you reading?

Babies

It has been such a long time since I was the mom of babies....
It is hard to remember the waking up every 3 hours, the tiny sweet giggles, the tickling of their toes, washing their hair for them in the bath, getting to pick out their clothes. And look at those faces.... are they not the most adorable things you've seen all day?

I miss being the mom of babies.... especially on the days when new backpacks are being demanded.... when most of what comes out of their mouths is sarcastic or whiny....

Of course, I also love the freedom I have now. I don't have to make anyone's lunch except my own.... I don't clean anyone else's bedroom.... I get to assign chores and leave them home alone. I can even have interesting conversations that don't include color names or rhyming words or potty talk (well, most of the time!)

But, even with all the advantages of being the mom of older kids, for tonight, I miss my babies.......

Holy Moly!!

Well, today was the first day of Kindergarten, and I am ENTIRELY exhausted!!

Teaching Kindergarten is so different from every other grade. Most non-teachers think it's the easiest grade to teach..... there's no complicated math..... the kids are small and cute..... you don't have to grade piles of essays.... piece of cake right?? all fingerpainting and singing and playing on the playground.....

Well, I'm here to tell you teaching Kindergarten is no picnic, cake walk, or otherwise relaxing and delightful activity. IT IS WORK... HARD WORK! After one year in 3rd grade I had forgotten how taxing it really is. I kept telling myself (in my brain) that the first week of Kindergarten was the hardest thing to teach, but the reality was something my brain had blocked out... you know, the way your brain blocks out the pain of labor after you give birth!

I had kids who wouldn't talk from shyness, kids who talked constantly, kids who couldn't sit in one spot for more than 5 seconds, kids who refused to sit down, kids who wandered around aimlessly, kids who looked at me while I gave directions then went back to what they were doing, kids who couldn't line up, kids who could line up but couldn't stay in line, kids who could stand in line but couldn't walk in line, kids who drew scribbles for a self portrait and kids who took 20 minutes to draw only their eyes.

I am more tired than I can EVER remember being.....

but here's the thing about being a Kindergarten teacher..... with all the hard work, it is such a thrill when in the middle of September you call the students to the carpet and all of them come and sit down ready to listen... then there's the day when the scribbler first successfully writes his name.... later on, you get to hear the direction ignorer telling someone how to put the toys away in the correct tubs, and around about May you get to show them all how to write a story and revel in the 4 minutes of silence when all you hear are pencils scratching across paper while little faces are intent upon their work.

So, I'm not really asking for pity... I love my job..... I just have to go to bed now. Night!

Today's musings...

So today was the day I had meetings with all of the teachers from Ferndale Elementary and High School.... and let me just say how lucky I am to be a part of such a wonderful community. The entire staff there has been sooooooo supportive and kind and helpful to me. I have always loved teaching, and I have always felt that the schools I taught at were well run and full of wonderful people, but this sweet little community near the ocean really takes it to the next level.

How blessed I am!! (Of course I still miss my old comrades!!)

On another note, Kyla had her Back to School Night at her middle school and spent the evening either pouting or crying about how she wants to move back to Sonora. She misses her friend Kaylie and is sure she will not be able to make
any new friends. (She actually has several friends at the new school already, but they are in the grade ahead of her.)

Of course, right now she is spending the night at her cousin's house, and is happy as a clam!

Don't know why I posted this layout I made for a contest on scrapbook.com several months ago. I guess I'm just missing my scrapping lately since all my creative energy has been going into setting up my classroom. I am glad school is starting Monday, because if it didn't I'd just keep on decorating and spending all my time there obsessing over making it perfect!! Luckily when the children arrive there's no more time for any of that!

A picture of Jimmy

Looking at this picture of Jim reminds me of how fragile life can be.....

I am vowing this very moment to live my life to the fullest....

To not allow myself to be dragged down by negative people.....

To try each day to make someone else happy.....

To love....

To laugh.....

We all miss you, Jim. You were always there to put a smile on someone else's face.

N

P.S. Thanks to Raquel for the picture :-)

Remembering...

Yesterday was the memorial for my 25 year old cousin, Jimmy Kasper, who died Monday in an auto accident up near Susanville. It was a really hard day.... tears, mixed with laughter, more tears, quiet remembering....

The service was held at the Weaverville Cemetary, and because Jimmy was a veteran of the Iraq War there was an honor guard there with the 3 gun salute and taps playing and everything. It is so hard to wrap your mind around the death of a man so young with so much life ahead of him. I had last seen him at Christmas, and we were laughing and talking about his apartment in Redding and his job. He was such a friendly and outgoing kid. So easy to talk to and ready to laugh. Our family will miss him so much.

That brings me to my family. I am so lucky to have a family so full of love. They welcome everyone and once you are a part of our family, you are part of us forever..... divorce, separation, whatever... they care about you and you have a place and are welcomed with open arms. I am honored to be related to each of them.

So, if you are reading this, our family needs your prayers. Most especially my Grandma, and my Aunt Toni and Uncle Kevin and Jimmy's remaining siblings, John and Katie. This tragedy has left me in shock, and I can hardly comprehend what they must be feeling.

Settled in.....

We are here in our new home in Eureka, settling into a routine and getting used to the climate. The move went pretty smoothly.... the biggest problem we've encountered is getting the internet service set up..... but here I am connected and happy at last after 12 days without the net or email. Still having a little trouble with the email as it says my password is invalid, but soon I will call back the customer service line (who I am infinitely familiar with after about 12 calls in the last 12 days) and bother someone into fixing it for me.......

The house is lovely and airy and so bright that I cannot sleep past 7 am as the sun (or fog) shines through the 7 foot tall sliding glass door in my bedroom and wakes me up! This morning as I lay there trying (unsuccessfully) to go back to sleep I realized what a gorgeous view I have.... beautiful forest land right outside my window.... with mountains in the background and just a touch of vapor rising up from it all in the morning light. Of course, now that the internet is back I will be avidly surfing for window coverings because I love sleeping in more than the view.... Hee hee!

Lots to do today, as it is my niece Livi's birthday party and I still have a gift to buy. Also, Kyla has been invited to a birthday party this evening... she's already made some new friends... amazing girl that she is!! So, I have to work out, then it's off to the mall!!

New email address is bergenske@suddenlink.net

Hope to hear from you soon!

Overwhelmed

Just a little update to let everyone know how things are going around here.... We are going to be leaving Tuolumne County in only 5 more days. I am not overwhelmed with things to do as Mark's wonderful new company is paying someone to move us completely, but I am overwhelmed with emotions.

Moving here was such a huge change for me. I felt like my life was turned upside down, and I really wasn't sure I would survive. I could not imagine what my life would be so far away from "home" or if I would ever make any new friends or if I would get a job or if I would survive the snow in winter or heat in summer. It was all so foreign and frightening. I spent a lot of time crying... It was my biggest life challenge up to that point.

Of course, I did learn to live far away from all that was familiar. I actually did more than just survive... I thrived. I made many wonderful friends, I accomplished my dream of being a teacher, I crashed only once in the snow, and I learned to wear tank tops and shorts and stay in the shade in summer. And with time it got even better.... this new place became our home. It's actually the only home my children can remember.

Again, I am overwhelmed with the changes I am facing in the next few days and weeks.... for myself and for Mark and the kids. If you are out there, and if you are listening, we could really use your prayers.

Love ya! N

A date is set....

August 1, 2006.

For 2 months people have been asking..."When will you be here?" (if they live in Humboldt County) or..... "When are you leaving?" (if they live in Tuolumne County)... so now we have an answer. August 1, 2006.

While up in Eureka for my class reunion, Mark and I found a beautiful house in a picturesque neighborhood, and we fell in love with it. So we will be moving and renting it until our house sells and we are able to buy it. It will be nice to be settled in when school starts. The kids will not have to sleep on couches, we will not have to live out of suitcases. It just seems a little fast for me..... I am grieving the loss of my home here. Today I will be taking at least a whole roll of film of the details about this house that I never want to forget. I can feel a mini album in the works. Maybe I will actually scrapbook!!! It has been a long, dry summer in the scrapping department! Only 2 pages in the last two months.... hopefully it will be a more productive July!

The Graduate

So, as most of you know while I was away vacationing in Australia, Mason graduated from 8th grade. He had a fantastic day, said it was the best day of his life, EVER, and became even more angry about moving to Eureka...... because now he won't get to see his friends anymore.

I want to thank my friend, Lori, for taking this picture of my firstborn on this important day. I am so proud of him for more reasons than I can list here. Suffice it to say, he is a witty, funny, smart, handsome and caring son, and I am praying that he will be able to accept this move and adjust to his new home. I am sure everyone will want to be his friend.... Who could resist that face?